thursday blues…
It’s a week until Eliza’s sixth birthday. When I was in New Orleans a few weeks ago to spend the weekend with my friend (and webmaster extraordinaire!!), Aleece, she asked me if Eliza’s birth seemed more or less traumatic to me now. At the time, I told her that it seems like a weird dream… like it couldn’t really have happened the way it did, like it couldn’t have really been that bad (though Mike assures me it did and it was).
Turn out, it only seems that way until recently. Now, it’s not quite like that. This happens to me every year right before her birthday, so I don’t know why it caught me by surprise this year.
I’m having trouble sleeping this week, though so far I haven’t had the nightmares that I used to have about her, so that’s good. But I keep thinking about those days leading up to her birth and about my doctor and all of those emotions just come back. I’m all grateful and guilty and overwhelmed again. I know that by next Wednesday, I’ll just be grateful, but for now it’s a little much.
The kids I’m friends with at work (and they really are young enough to be called ‘kids’) were laughing and teasing me (not about this!), and I literally thought, “I have got to get some old lady friends.” They’re all too young to have had similar life experiences and so they don’t relate to what I’m doing or feeling.
I do miss being surrounded by people who know me well rather than by people who know me in a fleeting manner. It would make it easier for someone to remind me that while the week leading up to Eliza’s birth and the weeks immediately thereafter were really horrid, we did both survive.
And that’s something for which we are all very grateful.
Filed under Most Everything | Permalink |Tagged with: Eliza
One Response to “thursday blues…”
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You need to meet some “church ladies.” Haha! Finding a small group of Christian support will benefit you so much
I know it does me! Someone who can mentor you or you can mentor.