Numbers… and not the cute CBS show kind
At my work, we receive ‘report cards’ once a month. My new supervisor is not only new to me but to this particular supervisor role, so he’s been a bit behind. This week, however, he finally gave some of us our numbers.
I had been so excited to get them because I really feel like I’m doing so much better at my job. I’m less stressed, and I’m feeling more confident. In general, I know the answers to the questions people ask me, and I’ve got less people angry with me on the phone. I no longer have my ‘failure list’ of cases that I’ve messed up. That should count for something, right?
Unfortunately, my numbers weren’t great. My year-to-date number is a 3.4 on a 5 point scale. And I was so disappointed in myself. Discouraged. Frustrated. Why am I working so hard not to have it show? Not to have it help me?
Mike and some very gracious people at work have been trying all week to convince me that my number isn’t bad. I’m ‘above average.’ Come on. Who aims for above average? Oooh… Mom, I’d like to be 4 tenths of a point above average. Woohoo.
And numbers matter in my head. Numbers change things in my head. I can look in the mirror and feel beautiful only to step on a scale later in the day and feel horrible and ugly because of the number. My body - how I look - hasn’t changed. But numbers change things in my head. My attitude has been one of frustration and discouragement all week.
But I have to admit that I don’t so much enjoy that attitude. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still discouraged and frustrated, but there’s not much I can do about the situation. We’ve known all along that this job didn’t particularly suit me, so it’s not a surprise that I’m still struggling with it.
But it pays the mortgage. And the insurance is great. And I guess the fact that I feel more confident is something in and of itself. I no longer dread going to work, and that’s a good thing, too.
People at work talk about how cheerful I am, and everyone’s been really kind this week as I’ve been upset. But I’m tired of being upset, so I’m just going to accept those numbers as what they are. I can’t change them, and I just need to keep going… keep doing the best that I can.
And try not to let these numbers change too much in my head.
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5 Responses to “Numbers… and not the cute CBS show kind”
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Look at it this way…for every person that gets to be 4/10 of a point above average…some poor soul gets to be 4/10 of a point below average.
I remember the first time I got a “B” in college. I was devastated.
I also happen to know that in many companies you have to be able to walk on water in order to get the coveted “5″
I’m sorry that you’re so bummed! I know how you feel. I never could handle less than Outstanding numbers at my reviews and status checks.
All I can say is hang in there. It does mean something that you feel better about what your doing. That’s really more important than numbers, so just let that get you through!
First, you are not a number. The number does not represent you as a person. You are SOOOO much more than any rating system can ever claim over you. You are smart, intelligent and have an awesome family.
Second, those number rating things are faulty and can’t truly measure all of who you are. It’s just man’s attempt to get some kind of rating as to how a person is doing.
What truly matters? What God and Mike think of you or what “the job” stuff says?
Hope I don’t sound harsh, but I never have liked tests that “are supposed to determine where you are on some scale.” They are fun just to see results, but are they truly representative and definitive of who you are? I think not.
Smile girl, and know you are sooo much more than they even know or even may ever know.
Love ya.
Having spent 4 days at what may be my dream job coming from what seems to be a nightmare job unrealized, I can tell you that the nightmare job also utilized a 5 point scale. Granted, supervisors sucked so bad that not all of them would even use it. Nonetheless, the general rule of thumb was that there was no “perfect” employee and thus no “5.” The last grade I gave my guy, a couple weeks ago, was close to a 3.4, and sadly, he was dang good, maybe one of the best workers in the bank. Take no disappointment in 3.4. You’ve got to take it in relevance.
I love what you said about how people perceive you. At the end of the day, if what people think is that you are “cheerful”. Use that number to your advantage. Find one thing that you could work on improving (cause we can all improve no matter how high our “numbers” are.) If you have worked hard to improve that one things and it doesn’t raise you number, then you’ve done your best; but more importantly the people around you think you are a joy to be around… years from now, people will never remember a number, but they will remember YOU!