it’s the one you don’t see coming
We had this really wonderful week with my parents.
They stayed in a hotel (yay!) so we all had enough time to do our own thing and no one felt the pinch of too many people in too small a space. We all enjoyed one another’s company. It was a delightful time.
Right up until it wasn’t.
As they were leaving, my dad pulled me aside and told me how much he and my mom really loved my family and enjoyed spending time with us. And he said that was why he needed to tell me these next few things. He said Griff was really maturing and growing up (which I know) and that sometimes parents don’t notice that because they are too close to the situation. I told him that I do know that because I am close to the situation. We work really hard to make sure that we spend time alone with Griff to help foster his budding maturity. 
He also said they were concerned about Eliza’s weight. I wasn’t overly surprised by that, either, as I had seen him watching her this week. She’s six and admittedly at that awkward age little girls all seem to hit. But she’s active and healthy. He said she was a prime candidate for juvenile diabetes. I said there was no need for them to worry, that she was fine. As I relayed that story to Mike, his comment was that it was no surprise that I have body image issues. I wasn’t much older than Eliza is now when they began to talk with me about my own weight.
And lastly, as if this wasn’t enough, he said we needed to get involved in a church (which we already know, right?) because we need it for our marriage. Now, in this life of mine, nothing has come quite as easily to me as this marriage to Mike. I say that as a compliment to Mike because I cannot possibly be easy to live with or to deal with on a day to day basis. I undoubtedly bring new meaning to the term ‘high-maintenance.’ And while a church would certainly be nice, I think that our marriage is doing ok. But then, in all honesty, my mother has been saying that I was a bad wife to Mike for years now. God bless him, Mike says he’s really the only one who gets to say if I’m a good wife or not.
And while all of this was hurtful and annoying (mostly because I let my guard down and didn’t see it coming… annoyed with myself), I’m pretty much over it already. And I’m choosing to just remember that we all had a good time together.
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a peaceful, easy feeling
It’s that time again. My parents’ bi-annual visit is upon us. They’ll arrive tomorrow. Last visit, I insisted they stay in a hotel, and the visit was so good. This visit, I’m assuming they’re doing the same thing, but they haven’t said, and I haven’t had the energy (been a long, hard few months at work) to ask.
As I approach 40, I think about my parents’ acceptance or lack of it (been thinking about a lot as I approach 40, frankly). And I think they are more accepting of me and mine than they let on. They are, heaven help them, just a little critical by nature. I’m never going to be the woman they want me to be, so if we all accept that as a given, then I think we’re all doing quite well at accepting the woman I actually am. You know, what they know of the woman I actually am.
Because they have been so terribly critical in the past, at some point, I just quit telling them anything overly personal or intimate. It isn’t their fault. It was a choice I made. My mother’s answer to everything is always to pray and that God will provide, and while I completely agree with both of those assertions, they never really met me where I was in my time of need. I tend to be a girl who really needs a real-world person to present an answer and a face to my need. I’m not saying that’s right by any measure, just that it’s who I am. So when she wasn’t really there to hold my hand when really all I needed was a little hand holding and instead chose to mention that my faith might not quite but up to snuff, I quit sharing.
I left home for college at 18, and other than a brief three month period after graduation, I haven’t lived at home or in the same town with my parents since then. I haven’t lived in the same state as the rest of my family since I was 22. And yes, everyone else in my family still lives in the same small town.
With no sharing of intimate details, it’s really hard to remain close 18 years later or even to know one another well. Neither of my parents are on speaking terms with their siblings for various though remarkably similar reasons. I consider it a huge blessing that my brother and my sister-in-law, Nicole, and I are so close.
I wish my parents knew who I am now because I think that - despite the fact that I didn’t turn out to be the stay-home, home-schooling mom they wish I was - they would be proud of the way I respond to people, the way I treat people, of who I am. Of course, as I say that, I think about the fact that I do occasionally curse like a sailor, and I let my son watch tv that features things he might not should see but that is kinda funny anyway, and that don’t clean my house until visitors come over… and then I just try to shove as much as possible into my closet and then just close the door.
Of course, the flip side is also true… I don’t know the people they are today any better than they know the person I am today. I know that the angry man who reared me is calmer, even if he is also less fun than he was when I was younger. I know my mother is consistent. I know that while her method of relating to things isn’t my way, I do respect her for it.
And while all of this is a little saddening, I’m also ok with it. I am grateful for them, that they love us all and enjoy spending time with my kids enough to come visit. I am grateful that we all seem to have come to a peaceful middle ground in our relationship. And really, for me, peaceful is what I’m looking for in all of my relationships.
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Happy happy all the day
Today is the birthday is one of my favorite people ever… my sister-in-law, Stacy. I am blessed beyond reason to have the opportunity to live this life alongside her.
I was lucky enough to celebrate with Stacy, her mom, and her sister last weekend with a super spa day. It was such fun to join in as family really gathered together to focus on Stacy, a woman whose life deserves a bit of joyous celebration.
So, for today and all sorts of days to come, I wish you many happies, Stacy. love you…
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a place for everything…
Last Saturday was my niece’s first birthday. I flew to Arkansas last year and spent the weekend with my brother and his family a few weeks after she was born to meet her, but I haven’t been back since. And Mike and my kids haven’t been to Arkansas since right before we moved to Florida nearly four years ago.
Mike and I began talking with my brother a few months ago about us making the trip for London’s birthday, and we agreed not to tell the rest of the family. Now, anyone who knows me knows I’m not a very good surprise keeper, so it was a big deal that I managed not to tell, but I did.
Eliza got to make her first flight, and when we arrived in Arkansas Friday night, my kids got their first look at snow. Saturday morning, I took a photo of all four kids (my two and my brother’s two) and emailed it to my parents. That’s how they found out we were in town. Then, my brother, Griff and I paid a visit to my grandmother. She hadn’t seen Griff since he was eight. It’s a wonder she recognized him at all.
Her reaction was worth every penny of the plane ticket.
While we were hanging out at my parents house, I wandered through at one point and noticed how everything was perfectly in place, even though they had no idea anyone was coming to visit. I mean, Perfectly In Place. Seriously. And initially, I felt a little envious. But then, in the quiet of that back room, in the stillness and the perfection, I thought about how that room is always still and perfect… and quiet.
And I thought about how my house - every single room of it - is never still or perfect or quiet. At any given point, there will be crayons on the floor, dirty clothes draped on top of the crayons, open books on the sofa, dolls on the tables, dirty dishes in the sink, unmade beds, towels in the dryer. Try as I might to go green, a light somewhere will be on unnecessarily, and someone will probably be yelling at someone else. Moments late, however, both of those someones will probably be laughing and playing.
And I think that when my house is quiet, I will sorely miss the chaos. And I will hate having everything in its place.
Filed under Most Everything | Permalink | Comment (1)is the room spinning… or is it just me?
Turns out, it’s just me.
I’ve been dizzy on and off for … well, for about three years now. It’s gotten worse … well, significantly worse, in the last month or so. I made a deal with Mike that I’d go to the doctor for it if he would go to the doctor about his funky mole (got the letter in the mail yesterday that it wasn’t cancerous). I’m terribly bad about not being willing to go see a doctor… I worry that I’m making my symptoms up or that they aren’t as bad as I think or whatever.
As it turns out, I wasn’t making them up and they aren’t a passing thing. My doctor had me do several balance and coordination tests, and I didn’t do very well on them. He had me go in the next day for bloodwork (extensive, if the amount of blood drawn is any indication), and I am scheduled for an MRI this Wednesday. The doctor said there are some pretty bad things that he wants to rule out before determining that I have inner ear problems with migraines. Thankfully, he left those possible ‘bad things’ unnamed. I don’t need specifics to worry about until I meet with him again. I’ll worry enough about the generalities, unfortunately.
But at least the doctor is moving quickly, and we’ll know something soon. I’m hoping he’ll be able to start me on something that will ease the dizzies. My casual lean against whatever wall I’m near at the moment is beginning to look a little less casual than I would like.
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