40 and fabulous

When I was a kid, I kept a diary… with a little key. And when I was a teenager, I kept a journal. At some point, I kept a prayer list, which was really just a diary with ‘dear God’ written at the top instead of either ‘dear diary’ or the date. At some point, my friend, Aleece, said to me, ‘you should blog. It’s the same thing as journaling, but your hands don’t cramp up.’ Aleece is a smart friend.

Blogging for me was always about working through things in my head. For a brief period, I entertained a fleeting enjoyment of the idea that people might read my blog and I might have a following, but it soon became clear that in order for that to happen, too much work would be involved. In the last six months or year, I haven’t blogged routinely though I’ve had lots I’ve wanted to work through because people I know in real life… outside of Aleece… now have the blog address and read what I write. And while that is sweet and intimate and kind, it is also a little intimidating. There are some dark and unhappy things swirling about in my head that not everyone need to know. Ya know?

Aleece, always smart, suggested the other day that I start a new, super secret blog. And I considered it. But I love this blog. I love the way it has followed me through the years, the way it reads as the roadmap of my life. And so I’ve decided that it’s time for me to return to blogging and to laying the good and the bad out here. I have always been very honest here. Because this blog is for me, not for mass consumption. And I intend to continue to write that way.

So this post is a bit of a warning of sorts… to those who know me in person… you might not like all that you read in the future… you can always just not. There are some lovely other sites… if you’re shopping, I like Etsy - A Dusty Attic is one of my favorites as is Inspire Me Crafts - and if you’re hungry, you can always check out the foodie links on the sidebar here. Yum.

But anyhoo… I’m thinking 40 is a good time to take a new look at Chel. Because I’m kinda grooving to what I’m seeing as I’m looking.

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More…

I had a wonderful birthday. I didn’t expect it to work out that way, in all honesty. Two or three weeks ago, Mandy was still not doing very well, and I was dreading a birthday spent thinking about missing her. But she’s doing much better… much, much better, blessedly… and that wasn’t a problem for me on my birthday.

If you haven’t been reading here long, I love birthdays. Anyone’s birthday. At work on Wednesday, one of my co-workers (younger than me, of course) said something about how he wasn’t looking forward to getting older, and I laughed. I said how old I am (a whopping 39!) and then said that I really do like me better now than I did 10 or 20 years ago.

To which he responded, “Yeah, but you’ve got your life on track. You’ve got a plan. You like what you’ve got going on.”

And I was delighted. Stunned, but delighted. I rarely feel like I’ve got my life on track… have no plan at all most days. But I do really like what I’ve got going on. And I’m so glad that I’m giving that impression to the people around me. I am, for all practical purposes, happy with my lot in life.

Now, sure, we’ve got debt up the yin-yang, and we’re under siege from a bunch of surly appliances, and there are still lots of days in which I hate my job (but less than before!), and I’d like for everyone not to be allergic so we could have a dog. And I’ve got more than my share of craziness in my head, but I’ve also got a fair bit of happy, so that seems like a fair trade to me.

The girls at work - a bunch of them! - got together to take me to lunch for my birthday and to give me a gift certificate for a massage. I was just stunned. And overwhelmed by their seemingly pure enjoyment of … well, me. How phenominal is that!

And if you missed it, Josh was the sweetest guest poster here on my birthday. I sent Mike a text during the day telling him he should go read Josh’s post (which Aleece, my own personal webmaster, changed from a comment to a post for me), telling Mike that the post made me cry. Mike responded… “It’s true, you know. All of it.”

And without sounding all MEMEME, a fair bit of it is true. I am loyal and caring, and I do love with just everything I have, for right or wrong. And I am happy and pleasant and hopefully easy to be around. I’ve been in four sections at work in the last year, and at my birthday lunch, there were girls from each of those sections. I like the fact that people continue to seek me out even after I’ve been moved to other locations.

I have been, am still, so completely humbled by the affection… touched by people’s acceptance of me… blessed to have finally come to the point where I can say I am content here.

I’m thinking that I may like 39 so much that I may just stay here until my brother catches up and we can be twins.

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I’m good enough, I’m smart enough & doggonit, people like me

I wrote this several years ago & I’m going to write another one as part of my 101 Things. But I think that the original list isn’t too bad. Frankly, it makes me feel pretty good about me.

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Michele, my belle…

Over at Write From Karen, she’s got this groovy thing showing the meaning of her name. And of course, I had to find out mine, too.

M - makes dating fun (which is questionable since Mike and I rarely go out)

I - loves to laugh

C - really easy to fall in love with

H - freakin’ beautiful eyes

E - deeply in love with my husband

L - best smile

E - still pretty deeply in love with Mike

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