sit down…

I have an announcement. We went to church this morning.

That’s right. Church. All four of us. It’s crazy talk, I know. But one of my 101 Things goals was to find a church for us to attend by Advent. Now, I don’t know that we’ll continue to attend this church forever, but it’s the one we’ve selected for Advent. We owe our commitment to finding and participating in a church entirely to our Eliza, who has been begging to go learn more about God (which I think both compliments us as parents in that we’ve taught her something so far and makes us look like really lousy parents in that we haven’t found a church prior to this).

Mike selected this church solely because of the Advent schedule. We’ve both always loved Advent. And it was nice to sit together through the service this morning… all four of us. Maybe this is the beginning of something good.

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If only…

I’ve decided that some things are going to change around here in 2009… good things. One of those is that we are going to find a church and attend it, regardless of how difficult it has been to do that thus far.

If only there was an app for my iPhone like Urban Spoon. You know, enter my zip code, shake it, wait for the church name and address. Visit that church. Easy peasy. Why can’t it be like that?

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Tagged with: church • Urban Spoon

Wow Wednesday

A little bit of random good news around here today…

** Griff did well again today in school. Good on the stairs. Good recognizing the college kid who’s picking him up several days a week.

** My supervisor gave me my numbers today, and they were better. Woohoo! Now, they aren’t as high as I’d like them to be, but they’re getting better, and that’s what I’m going for, after all. I am now a 3.68 on a 1-5 scale. Yay, me!

** I did 1,600 spins on the Wii Fit Hula Hoop today. I kick hula tush. I even met my piddly little Wii Fit two-week goal a week early.

** We’re going to church on Sunday! Now, we have no idea where we’re going, but by gum, we’re going.

** Tonight, Project Runway is designing for drag queens. I mean, seriously, how fun is that?!

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A Long Story to Tell

(Thursday update… there are some good comments and observations on this post… be sure to read them when you’re finished here.)

Kellie asked about the story behind our two year absence from church. It’s a long and drawn out story, I’m afraid. I’ll tell it, but I’ll also tell you up front that it’s not that exciting. It’s painful and hurtful and unfortunate but not at all exciting.

Now, I’m quite sure that anyone with half a brain and a newspaper (or internet access, though it kills Mike for me to mention the two as if they were interchangeable), will be able to determine which denomination I will be referring to, but I do feel compelled to be vague.

Mike’s included in this, obviously, but I don’t claim to speak for him. This is me. Get a Diet Coke, settle in. If you’ve got something else to do, by all means, move on. If not, here goes.

Mike and I were both reared in the same religious denomination. We both accepted Christ as young children, and we were reared in homes that were rooted in the love of Christ. All of our parents were Christians, and we saw them pray. Regardless of whatever faults any of our parents might have had, I am forever grateful to each of them for their spiritual guidance when we were young.

In the small town we lived in before we moved to Florida, we attended one church for a lot of years. We were married in that church… had both kids dedicated there… Mike was ordained a deacon there… Griff was baptized there. We were loved there, and that was special.

Mike and I met at the college where I worked and where he was a student and would eventually teach. The school was a highly recognized academic institution that placed a strong emphasis on the spiritual growth of each individual student. Quite frankly, we envisioned ourselves there for somewhere between a long time and forever.

The school was closely affiliated with the state organization of the religious denomination in which we were reared. Unfortunately, that particular denomination has endured some… infighting, as it were … in the past several decades. In Louisiana, the struggle for power took on new dimensions and depths, and the school was a part of that.

Before Mike began to teach, he was a reporter at the state denominational newspaper. Between the two experiences and the various contacts we each had, we had an unfortunate amount of knowledge about what was happening behind the scenes. And what was happening behind the scenes was ugly.

There were (and most likely still are) men and women doing unconscionable things in the name of God. There were people who said they were Christians, who were recognized as leaders in the faith, who slandered the good names and reputations of other Christians in an effort to hurt others or to gain power or to advance themselves. Mike and I both became jaded and cynical and suspicious of people’s motives. We were guarded and hesitant to trust.

Our church was involved in this situation in different ways, and in a lot of ways, I am proud of how the church responded. This was a group of people that welcomed people who were being accused and attacked. It was a place where the hurting were welcome. In some ways, though, it was too much for me. I couldn’t quite stomach the difficulty with the politics and the stress at work, only to have it discussed at church, too. I realize that lots of these dear people needed that outlet, to have a place where they could discuss things openly and still be accepted. For me, though, it didn’t quite work. I needed somewhere that we could just be.

Eventually, the school became a place where Mike couldn’t teach the way he felt was right. We were at times worried for his job, and it became clear that we needed to move on. God was so generous to provide us with an opportunity here in Florida.

When we moved here, we were both so worn out, so stressed and so weary that we just couldn’t face trying a new church right away. We had become disillusioned with organized religion, though not because of our church… instead, because of the denomination in which we first came to love the Lord.

So we agreed that when we began looking at churches, we would try any church that wasn’t in that denomination. That felt so freeing at first. But, oh, my gosh, have you looked at how many options there are out there today?! Ugh. We kept getting frustrated and just not going. And when we did visit somewhere, we were still so cynical that we had nothing but criticisms. It was clear we just weren’t ready.

We’d sleep in on Sundays for a few months & then decide we’d try again. But it was hard to get used to the traditions of different denominations. We’ve worked that pattern for quite some time now.

When I was hired for this job, I vividly remember saying in my interview that I was comfortable asking people questions and working to determine the truth because I expected people to lie to me. I know things are getting better because one of my downfalls at work is that I believe people too much. Everyone says I’m too nice. I know I’ve lost that jadedness, which is really good.

But still, here we are nearly two years without a church. We’ve considered going back to a church from our old denomination. I miss singing the hymns I know by heart. I miss the familiarity of the services… not watching the program to see what we need to do next. And yet, there are things happening within the denomination of my childhood which I cannot support. There are things that are being taught in those churches that I don’t want taught to my children.

I want the community of being in a church. I want the opportunity to worship with other people, to learn and grow in Christ. We need to be in church. We want to be in church, and those are huge steps forward. We’ve agreed to look for a church once Griff’s casts are off and he’s walking well again. We want him to have the opportunity for a fresh start without having to answer questions about his legs.

But when that time comes…

What do you do when you have 60-odd combined years of worship in one way and can’t find it in your heart to attend that kind of church any longer?

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Tagged with: church • Faith • trust