friends…
It’s been an odd six months or so.
A friend of mine at work says that I am always willing to listen to other people’s problems and to be everyone’s mama, but that I’m rarely willing to ask anyone for their help. Mike once said that he could name the people I was really honest and vulnerable with on one hand and still have still have fingers left over. Multiple fingers. I’ve always kinda played things close to the vest, but since we moved here, and I had to make new friends, I’m a little slow to trust. I admit it.
Of those people Mike was counting, one of those few was a dear girl that I talked to either via email or text on a near daily basis for approximately 15 years. And then some things happened in her life last fall and we weren’t in touch any longer. We used to tease that she was the keeper of the dark secrets of my soul. It’s a little embarrassing how sad it is to no longer have a keeper of those dark secrets. Another close friend is a girl who is no longer in my life at all for reasons beyond my control. I’ve been left a little adrift in the last six months of so in terms of my old friends.
God bless those few who are still hanging in there with me.
But it’s a challenge now to move past the place I’m at with my new friends here and to find those friends with whom I can really find that honest and vulnerable place. It often feels like my friends here are segmented… the Christian friend, the shopping friend, the mama friend… And so many of them are so much younger than me and don’t have quite the life experience to be quite ready to deal with those dark secrets of my soul.
And in the end, how do I really know who to trust?
But I strongly believe that my relationship with Mike is better when I have girlfriends to talk to… he isn’t supposed to be my girlfriend. I need to have someone to talk to, to have listen to my thoughts and my crazies, and it isn’t supposed to be him all the time. So I suppose I need to work on my trust issues and put myself out there a little bit.
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7 - babysitters
Today is the birthday of one of my favorite babysitters, and it made me think about some of the sweet ones I’ve had through the years. We’ve never lived in a town with family, so we’ve never had family as babysitters. We have, however, always lived and one of us has worked at a college, so we’ve always been blessed with college-age babysitters. And the truth is, I’ve kept several as friends.
My dearest friend, Mandy, began as Griff’s first babysitter. He couldn’t have been a couple of months old when we were renovating the old house we bought, and she came and took him back to her dorm to get him out of the house so we could paint. Twelve years later, I love Mandy (and the family she has built) like family.
Mandy kept Griff for our fifth anniversary so we could have an overnight trip. I can remember her checking in with me, telling me she was watching the Mets game, and that he was asleep on her tum.
Dena came along when Griff was in kindergarten, and Eliza was scheduled to debut in November. Eliza didn’t so much wait and arrived in October, and Dena kindly rearranged her schedule to help us with NICU visits. And she stayed with us on a daily basis for a couple of years. We met boyfriends and heard about school struggles.
Stephanie began watching the kids in church and eased over to staying with them at home. Poor Steph was with Griff when he fell and busted open his his head and bled on her. The one time I ever left my phone in the car & she couldn’t get me, who did she go to? Mandy, who had grown up & moved in next door.
Here in Florida, Jenna was the first sitter I really enjoyed. The kids adored her, as did I. She’s since graduated (all the good ones do) and moved away to take a real job where she’s kicking tush. But she still comes over to visit and to help with kid projects. And when Mike and the kids were in Louisiana last summer, who was on my list of people to see? Jenna.
I’m grateful to girls to keep my kids so I can spend much needed time with my husband. I’m more grateful for those girls who turn into girlfriends for me.
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Still tired… still happy
The new position at work is going ok… I’m terribly overwhelmed right now, but I’m just trying to make it through this first week. After that, I’ll really get down to figuring out what’s going on.
And we’re all still tired, but also still feeling like it’s a worthwhile tired.
My friend, Jessica, from college was in town today visiting family, and Mike and I got to go to dinner with her and her husband tonight. It was so much fun to spend time with her and just to enjoy an old friend.
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Did I get ditched in a sad way or used in a nice way?
This time last year, I was so excited to have a friend at work. Now, we didn’t have anything (seriously… not much of anything) in common, but we clicked well, and I was grateful. Now, we’re friendly, but we’re not close. And because I like to be honest here (likely more so than any of my handful of readers would like), I have to admit that hurts my feelings. I’ve tried really hard to figure out a way for her ditching me (see, a little bitterness) to make sense. But I haven’t been able to do that.
And then last week, I was thinking about how this particular girl wasn’t the only one to move on. If I think about it, I’ve had numerous encounters with various girls (women, whatever) at work in the two years that I’ve been there. And as I was thinking a week or so ago about my two years at this job, I was reminded again of how secure I am in the belief that this is where God would have me.
So, then, maybe, it isn’t that this girl ditched me. Maybe, instead, it’s that God put the two of us together at a time when each of us needed something that the other could provide. If I think about some of the other women who have crossed my path - asked me very personal advice despite me not thinking we were nearly close enough for them to ask me such things - then I think that it’s possible that God caused each to approach me for a reason.
This month’s “Today’s Christian Woman” magazine has a series of articles about spiritual gifts. I’ve never been real sure what my gifts are. You know… the list in the Bible is pretty slim pickins.
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. (1 Corinthians 12:7-11)
Seriously, now. Could He not have given out gifts of sending cards when someone’s sad? Or how about the gift of taking someone a nice baked good? The gift of listening? Really. Throw me something possible. Prophecy? Not so much.
One nice thing about this series of articles is that it does touch on other spiritual gifts, and I appreciate that. Just for kicks, I took a spiritual gifts test at ChristiaNet, and these are my scores.
- 100% Hospitality (Acts 16:14-15)
- 78% Exhortation (Acts 11:23-24) (I don’t even know what this is.)
- 67% Wisdom (James 3:13-17) (I’m thinking not so much.)
Ok, I looked up exhortation, and it means … this gift enables certain Christians to stand beside fellow Christians in need and bring comfort, counsel and encouragement. I can see that.
I’ve always wanted my house to be a place of comfort, where people felt welcomed and safe and content. One thing I don’t like about our Florida lives yet is that we don’t have people in and out of our home like we did before. I enjoy that. So hospitality feels like a good gift to me, one that I can easily and comfortably use. I have to assume that the ability to make people feel comfortable extends beyond my house and into my work life and might contribute to the myriad of confessions I’ve heard in these two years.
And exhortation seems like a big word for just being kind to people. But I’m good with it.
A few weeks ago, a girl at work asked over the wall (cubicles, remember) and asked if I had ever read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” I admitted that I had actually recently gotten it from BookMooch and had, well, not read it so much as took the quiz and then made Mike do the same. Took the quiz, got our love languages and sent the book on to someone else.
Mike and I both had our primary language as time spent together (or whatever the official term is), which I’m pretty sure is a result of our years together. Our second languages were not nearly the same. My second language is gifts. It’s a pretty petty language, you know. Gimme, gimme. But if I do unto others, so to speak, it matches pretty well with the above descriptions.
But anyway, several days later, another girl at work was telling me that the first girl had been telling her (confused yet?) about the book and that she thought my love language was service, which I would Never have thought. But how sweet that she thought that by watching my actions.
I’m not real sure where I’m going with this, other than to say that I’m grateful that there are different interpretations of the gifts God gives us. And I’m humbled to think that maybe God is using me where I am in ways I hadn’t imagined. And maybe I should look at the people passing through my life as gifts for the moment and not be unhappy when they move on. Instead, maybe I should eagerly anticipate the next person’s arrival.
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Quotes of love… for you, my friend
In going through my hope chest last night, I found a little slip of paper with fabulous quotes. My friend, Tara, gave them to me with my graduation gift (a copy of Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”) when I graduated from college waaaayyy back in 1992.
All these years later, they’re still fabulous quotes. And I thought they might be inspiring to my friend who is going through a difficult time.
So, these are for you, sweetie. Maybe they’ll make all of us stop and think about people in our lives who might need a little encouragement. If someone springs to mind, send a quick email or text or make a phone call or send an email. Let them know they are loved.
“Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.” — George Seaton, “Miracle on 34th Street”
“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself.” — St. Francis de Sales (How did Tara know this would be something I’d struggle with as I got older?)
“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“I believe in you.” — T
How fabulous is it to know that people believe in us?!
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