Planning my own…
One of my favorite “Designing Women” episodes was “Killing All the Right People,” not for its social commentary (though I do agree with it) but for the jazz funeral at the end. If you don’t know the episode (and geez, shouldn’t you? I mean, it was an amazing show!), one of the girls’ young friends - a man in his 20s - came to them and asked them to design his funeral. He knew he was dying and had the funds to redecorate a room in one of the local funeral homes. He knew exactly what he wanted, and when they showed a short scene from his funeral at the end, it was just as he had envisioned.
I love the idea of people gathering, not only in sorrow but in joy, to celebrate a life. Right before Eliza’s birthday each year, much to Mike’s chagrin, I tend to think about my own funeral, what it would be like. (For those of you who haven’t been reading here long or don’t know me in real life, Eliza’s entrance into this world was a bit sudden and completely due to her mama being too sick to continue carrying her.)
When I think about it, I have the usual Chel worries… would anyone but Mike and the kids show up? I mean, sheesh, my grandparents won’t fly anywhere, and my brother hasn’t left Arkansas in years. … would Mike think to tell those people I knew and loved so long ago in high school? would he even know who they are?
But most times, I just think about how non-traditional I would want it to be. Cremate me. Skip the church. Have everyone meet in Central Louisiana at a great Mexican restaurant, drink margaritas and tell stories about me. Have someone not a minister give my eulogy. Let everyone tell how silly and obssessed and whatnot I was. In my head, people make Mike laugh.
My sister-in-law, Nicole, is expecting my newest niece. I’m praying about her so often these days because I’m just terrified for her. Mike reminds me that the number of women who die or nearly die in childbirth is incredibly low these days, to which I respond that both Mandy and I nearly did, and that’s pretty much my frame of reference. He hugs me, smiles, and tells me to get over it, that Nicole and baby London will be fine, even if I’m still gonna be crazy.
I’ve pretty much, mostly given up the guilt associated with Eliza’s untimely entrance into this world - on my dad’s birthday - and now I’m just so very grateful to have been given this second chance at life. I am grateful to spend more and more days with Mike, to be able to love these kids, to be blessed by the best of friends. I’m grateful to have a soul-sucking job that I am only moderately good at… to be close to family and cousins for the kids… to have the chance to love and hate all of the little and big things of life.
In the end, I hope my funeral would be full of people who have loved me, who have felt touched in some way by my life (you know, preferably a positive way). I think we can’t possibly know how many people that might be… two or 10. But I know that I’ve been blessed by countless folks through my life. Around Eliza’s birthday, I tend to want to make sure those folks know how wonderful they are & how much I appreciate them. But they probably get tired of the ‘i’m glad i didn’t die & geez, you’re wonderful’ email every year.
So, to all of you… I’m glad I didn’t die, and geez, you’re wonderful.
And at the funeral, you’re gonna have to buy your own margaritas. Try the salsa. It’s yummy.
(My brother, who didn’t comment, sent me this song, saying it was perfect for this post.)
Filed under Faith, Jewelry, Most Everything | Permalink | Comments (2)Tagged with: Designing Women • Eliza • funerals • Gratitude
A Quick Thanks
To everyone who left sweet comments and who sent emails about my Fear and Loathing post. I appreciate it. I went in with a positive attitude this morning, and that helped. We had lots of technical problems today that none of us could control, and it set us all behind. And yet, I didn’t get discouraged, and I never made a single derogatory comment about myself.
I’ve had this feeling before at various times in my past. I know that I need to do a few important things…
** I need to be reading my Bible and praying, even if I don’t feel a complete connection yet. I’ve been reading my Bible this week and working on Kay Arthur’s “Lord, I Want to Know You” book.
** I need to exercise more. Even if it doesn’t result in me losing any weight at all, it always makes me feel stronger and healthier. And I’m working on that, too.
** Now, this last one is WAY shallow, but I’ve got some shallow aspects. Live with it. I need to put more effort into how I look. My current job requires ‘business casual.’ It’s so much more casual than business. I now wear things to work that would have previously been in my weekend wardrobe. And I’m dressed just fine. I work in a call center environment, so I’m not at liberty to do much walking around. I fidget. I move around in my chair. I put my legs up under me and wrap them around the chair and anything to keep moving a bit. And it’s not easy to do that in either heels or a dress. So I’m pretty much flats and capris. Which is fine. But I know that - for me to feel pretty - I need to add a bit more jewelry and (talking all the time wears off my lipstick like you wouldn’t believe, so I’ve switched to just using the best lip balm ever during the day at work) whatnot.
I’ll keep you posted with my progress in all of this. I know this is a woman’s struggle that isn’t particular to me. I feel better knowing that. I also feel better knowing that I’ve had problems feeling bad about me in the past & have overcome them.
And now… this is quite enough posting for me for one night. We’re deep into Indiana Jones excitement here in our house, and we’ve agreed to let Griff watch the first three movies this weekend. We’re finishing the first one now & are about to start the second. And I’ve got jewelry to make.
Again, thank you. I’m grateful.
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Thank you, all the teachers
Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. Celebrate your kids’ teachers. All teachers, frankly. These dear people are underpaid and underappreciated. And yet, they go in every day and work to educate our children. And we are grateful.
We’ve always been very blessed to have had excellent teachers for both of our children, in daycare settings and in the public schools. We’ve had teachers who’ve seen and respected the best in both of our kids, teachers who’ve challenged and strengthened our kids, teachers who’ve loved our kids.
The small tokens of our appreciation that I sent to the teachers today could never begin to fully express our gratitude.
Thank a teacher today. You child’s teacher. Your teacher. A professor who taught you in college. The teacher next door. Be thankful.
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Ripples in the Water
Our Griffin is discovering this week that his actions do very much impact those around him in ways he hadn’t expected. Again, this is a lesson that needed to be learned… we just hadn’t expected him to learn it quite this early.
Mike had to cancel his night class Monday evening because we were out looking for Griff, and his class had their final tonight. So Mike had to go in and review before the test, and he hated feeling like he didn’t give that class their proper instruction.
Eliza’s been so very out of sorts all week, and she had such a bad day today at daycare that they had to talk with me when I went to get her. And I know that it’s just the stress she feels around her but doesn’t understand.
Griff’s class is going on a field trip tomorrow, and I had to explain to him that some people may think that he tried to run away and will be watching him especially closely to make sure he doesn’t try again. I explained that we believe him but that he has to understand that it’s up to him to earn the trust that he broke with his actions.
And my heart breaks for him. But it also swells with thankfulness when I see his little face and hear his little voice. How precious to have him with us.
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This Close to Being an SVU Episode
When I said I was planning to have my 38th year be one of gratitude, I hadn’t really expected quite such a harsh reminder of all we have to be grateful for in this life.
Eliza goes to daycare next to where I work… literally next door. Griff goes to aftercare at a church on Mike’s way home from work. Obviously, we each get our appointed kid on the way home. Eliza and I were home yesterday when I got a voice mail from Mike saying that he went to get Griff but he wasn’t at aftercare. He didn’t get on the bus at school.
It was one of those moments where your breathing stops and everything seems to still around you. I could hear the strain in Mike’s voice in the message, and Mike’s voice rarely sounds strained.
By the time I called Mike back, he had already made it to Griff’s school where the remaining staff informed him they hadn’t seen Griff since school. At that point, Griff had been MIA for nearly two hours. At the very least, we had others in our fear with us then.
I piled Eliza in the van trying not to say too much to alarm her. A freaked-out four-year-old is rarely is a good thing in a stressful situation, so I told her that Griff had gone on a great adventure after school and had just forgotten to tell us and that he must have gotten lost.
So we began to drive the routes between our house and his school. Mike and I took different paths, calling one another to check in… always with less than good news. We’re both well aware of the horrors that can befall a child alone in this world, and time, at that point, didn’t so much feel on our side.
We were blessed to have his school’s complete support. Both of his teachers drove back from their homes to help with the search, and the principal and assistant principal both made calls to all manner of people to try to help find him. The secretary said she saw him walking down a certain street near the high school at 4 p.m., so we at least had a time frame when we called the Sheriff’s Office.
In some ways, it felt surreal. Driving around looking for our child on the sidewalk or in a ditch, like I’ve done when a pet got out of the house. And yet, it was so not the same. Calling the Sheriff’s Office like you see on tv, trying to remember what he was wearing that morning.
All the while, Eliza sat in the back of the van watching “Care Bears” on the dvd and telling me that she missed Griff and that we had to find him. And I kept thinking that I had no idea what would happen if it got dark and we hadn’t found him and what a big area we had to cover and how frightened he must be.
Wondering how on Earth I would explain it to Eliza if something bad happened to Griff.
I’m pretty sure God heard more from me, Mike, and Griff yesterday afternoon than He has in a while.
Thankfully, someone from his aftercare found him (after he’d been missing three hours!), and he is safe. He was terrified (as he should have been), but he was safe. He took a much-deserved chewing out from his teacher when he got to the school, I believe, but we were too emotionally wrung out last night to do too much chewing of our own.
That’s not actually true, I guess. Mike did his fair share. Just as Mike’s rarely upset, he’s rarely angry. But when we found Griff safe, and Mike heard Griff’s story, I could feel the anger coming off of him. It’s true that as soon as the relief floods over you, the anger sweeps in.
Griff told us his story of how he and friend decided to skip their aftercares and go to some secret meeting at the high school (some three miles away). Unfortunately for Griff, his friend chickened out (smart kid, huh?), and Griff was left alone.
There are still holes in his story that we are attempting to fill with truth, but he is learning some important lessons from this. He’s learning (we hope) that honesty is always best. His friend isn’t telling the same story as Griff, and it’s hard for him to discover that this particular friend doesn’t always tell the truth. (Griff’s like me… he’s remarkably trusting.)
And he’s learning that there are reasons why we go to such great lengths to keep him and Eliza safe. And he’s learning that one person’s actions ripple out to so many other people.
He’s learning that when he’s alone, He can still turn to God. I’d like to say that God answered our prayers and sent Griff safely back to us. But I can’t help but wondering about the parents of kids who aren’t so fortunate… does God not answer their prayers? The children who don’t have the blessing of returning to their warn beds that night… did they not pray properly?
My heart overflows with gratitude for our Griffin and for his safety and for our family. At the same time, my heart breaks for the families all across this country who didn’t experience this same outcome as we did. My prayer of gratitude tonight is interwoven with a prayer of concern and mama fear for all of the other families and children.
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Tagged with: Faith • Gratitude • Griff and Eliza
