Loving You… Still
Fourteen years ago today, I married the man of my dreams. I knew then that I was blessed, but I had no way of knowing just how much. I remember being very calm that morning, very peaceful, knowing that this was the surest thing I had ever done. I was right.
Mike was this tall, skinny, waif of a man, unsure of what he wanted to do with his life, other than be with me. He has grown into this tall, not-quite-so-skinny, handsome man, confident and secure in his life’s work. Age is on Mike’s side. He’s smart and funny and capable and … well, I think he’s amazing.
As he’s grown, as we’ve grown, my love for him has grown as well. This marriage is greater than the two of us. I remember reading something before we married that said that marriage was a triangle between two spouses and God, with God at the tippy top of the triangle. The closer each individual became to God, the closer they each became to one another. Mike and I seriously believed our commitment to one another and to God.
And there have been times when that commitment to God was one of the strongest forces in our marriage. There was a time when I was pretty sure Mike didn’t love me any longer, that he came home from working on his doctoral classes only because of Griffin, who was just a toddler. During those years when we were stretched way too thin, I can remember thinking that I understood how people could come to see divorce as a viable option. But I couldn’t figure out how to break that promise to God.
I’m glad I didn’t. Because once we worked through things, our marriage was even stronger. I’ve always said that while I need girlfriends (like air, I need them… but that’s another post), Mike was my best friend. Is. My best friend.
This move pretty much rendered Mike my only friend here in town (I’ve written before about how deeply grateful I am to have had my sister-in-law in the state). For two years now, Mike’s been not only my best friend but my only friend in a lot of ways. And he’s a really lousy girlfriend. But he’s tried so hard. It’s been really endearing.
He’s had the horrible job of having to listen to me cry and rant and talk about my heart aches while also knowing that we moved here for him. Guilt is my realm, not Mike’s. And that’s been hard for both of us. But he’s been all that I needed him to be. He’s been my calm place.
When we got married, one of the songs played at the wedding was Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Go There With You.”
I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you - make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you
And I will give myself to love the way Love gave itself for me
And climb with you to mountaintops or swim a raging sea
To the place where one heart is made from two
I will go there with you
Who knew I’d really be going places I hadn’t expected with him? Some days I tell him, ‘you know, I’d go anywhere for you.’ And he responds that I already have. Sweet, huh? Hard as this move was, I’d do it again in a heartbeat for Mike. And if he told me tomorrow that we needed to move again, I’d do it. I’d gripe about it, but I’d do it.
Because in the end, home is wherever Mike is. He is my heart. He is my home. I got the new issue of Real Simple magazine the other day & the question of the month was ‘what one thing could you not live without?’ Mike’s answer was fast and clear. “You.”
When my iPhone rings, and it’s Mike on the line, the ringtone that plays is Daughtry’s “Home.” Because Mike is my home. Forever. I am honored to love him and humbled to be loved by him.
Well I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
Tagged with: anniversary • love • marriage • Mike
