CBS cancelled my adolescence…
CBS recently announced that it is cancelling “The Guiding Light,” most likely due to low ratings. That soap opera, though I haven’t watched it in years, is a part of my personal history. And I’m a little disappointed to find that it’s been given the ax.
My grandmother watched GL every single day for, well, forever. Most likely, she’s still watching every day to this day. I can remember watching with her.
When I went to college, my roommate, Mika, grew up watching NBC soaps with her grandmother. Back in the day, there wasn’t much flipping. You were a one network soap watcher. My grandmother watched all of the CBS soaps, starting with Y&R and sticking with it all day.
Mika and I compromised and recorded each of our favorites. I watched “Days of Our Lives” with her while she watched “Guiding Light” with me. I mark time by that soap in lots of ways, and it is sad to me to think of it not being there.
I had such a crush on Kelly when I was little and watching with my Meemaw… moved on to a crush on Fletcher (a bit of foreshadowing that I crushed on a newspaper man and later married one)… watched Reva dance in the fountain… loved Lujack like there was no tomorrow (he was my first real bad boy crush)… geez, I could go on and on. And I hate to see it go.
GL was the very first soap opera, having been aired for more than 70 years now. It began as a radio serial. It is a piece of television history, not just my history.
I know television is changing. All media is changing. But I just kinda thought that Josh and Reva would always be there.
Filed under Most Everything | Permalink | Comments (2)Tagged with: Guiding Light • Mika
A prayer…
My friend, Mandy, isn’t feeling well. Mandy is the strongest woman I know, outside of a litle lady named Dannie, who happens to be Mandy’s mama. Mandy used to tease me about being sick all the time. I told her it was because she didn’t have kids that she was well all the time. I never got sick before having babies. 
And then Mandy had a really difficult delivery and time after her sweet Olivia was born, and not only did Mandy get sick more, but she worried more about being sick. It’s been a struggle for her to overcome the fear.
Last week, she had a headache and some fatigue that didn’t go away like it should have for a working mama (come on, we’ve all got a headache and some fatigue). She called the doctor, got some meds, and then still didn’t feel better.
Because she’s got a amazing physician (yep, I recommended him), she’s getting good care. But as a GP, he can’t do it all himself. So she’s waiting for the needed tests and diagnosis.
Until then, she’s sick, barely able to care for herself. She and Josh have been blessed because Dannie has taken both Mandy and Olivia home with her so she can watch over both of her girls. A mother’s love is unending, isn’t it? Thankfully, Mandy and Dannie have a friendship as well as a love.
The waiting is difficult. The doctors have mentioned the possibility of MS as a diagnosis, and we have some knowledge of that. Mike’s mom had MS back so long ago that they didn’t offer her any treatment at all. My sweet friend, Mika, has MS and is on a treatment plan that allows her to do things that, frankly, amaze me. (She’s one of my heroes.)
I’m too far away to take Josh dinner while he’s home alone and missing his girls. I’m too far away to take a turn staying with Mandy to make sure she’s ok. So I’m asking people to say a quick prayer… for knowledge and healing and peace.
Filed under Faith | Permalink | Comment (1)Tagged with: Josh • Mandy • Mika • MS • prayer
The Christmas Wedding
Three grown men groaned when the huge, white binder landed on the wooden breakfast table in the kitchen. Each thought they had been more than supportive during these last few months, but they each also thought they were pretty near the breaking point.
Each, of course, would ignore that breaking point because they adored the young woman pouring herself a cup of coffee in the enormous ranchhouse kitchen.
“Elizabeth, sweetheart, didn’t we agree that we wouldn’t have any wedding discussions before breakfast?” asked Zane.
“We’re past that point now, Z,” Elizabeth replied, sitting down at the head of the table, facing the three men. “I’m getting married in three weeks, and there are things we need to discuss. Important things.”
Another groan came from the masculine participants of the conversation.
“Hush that,” Elizabeth said. “I know ya’ll have been patient with me and tolerant beyond words, but I haven’t been completely honest with you, and I need to fix that before we go forward with this wedding.”
At that, two of the three men looked surprised. The third man, the oldest of the group, looked tenderly at the young woman and nodded at her as if to encourage her to continue.
Elizabeth was dressed in casual knit pajamas and big, fluffy socks. She had tucked one foot up underneath her in the chair and was sipping her coffee, choosing her words carefully.
The men sensed her need for a few moments to gather her thoughts and were silent. It was early December in northern Texas. Elizabeth was at home at the ranch where she grew up, living for the first time in several years with her father, WT, and her brothers, Zane and Tucker.
Elizabeth was a decade younger than Tucker who was two years younger than Zane. She was a blessing from heaven, WT always said. The only girl in a house full of boys, Elizabeth was well protected and well loved. Her mother had died of cancer when Elizabeth was not yet 10, and she had been doted upon by her father and brothers.
“Go on, Elizabeth, tell your story,” WT said. “It’s time we all told the truth around here.”
And so, the tiny blonde at the end of the table sat down her coffee mug and began to tell a story, to explain a lie.
“Years ago, someone loved me enough to sacrifice for me, to put aside personal heartache and to move past that in order to be a source of strength for me.
“When I started planning this wedding, I knew this moment would come. I have to ask someone else to sacrifice for me. I didn’t actually ask the first person, but …
“This isn’t going the way I wanted. I’m sorry,” she said. “I’ve thought over and over about how I would tell you this. I guess I didn’t think it over well enough,” she said with a nervous laugh.
“Don’t try to say it perfect,” WT said. “Just say it.”
“Ok. I lied. Not an outright lie, I suppose, but a lie of omission. Actually, truth be told, lots of lies of omission all adding up to this one big lie. And now, I’ve hurt someone because of this.”
She shook her head slowly. “It shouldn’t have ended up like this. I never dreamed this would happen. I just wanted to be surrounded by people I love on my wedding day.”
“I’m sorry, Izzie, but I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tucker said. “Me, either,” Zane echoed. “Could you be less vague? It’s a good thing we already fed the cattle or I suspect they’d starve before this story ends.”
That brought a needed laugh to the table. Zane was the cut-up, always the one to be counted on to provide a laugh when the time was right.
Smiling at Zane, Elizabeth continued. “Ok. Here it is. The truth. I asked my very best friend in the whole world to be my maid of honor.”
“We know that, honey,” Tucker observed.
“No, Tuck. You think you know, but you don’t. There’s a woman who has been my friend and mentor and mother, sister, aunt, everything figure for years, and I want her to be with me on my wedding day.
“Tuck, I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about this earlier. I asked Hope to be my maid of honor.”
With that, all eyes turned from Elizabeth to Tucker.
“You what?”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you. I promised Hope that I would tell you as soon as I asked her, but then I couldn’t decide how to tell you, and I didn’t. And then, ya’ll never asked about the bridesmaids, and it was easy to not mention it, and then when she asked, I told her I had already told you and that you were okay with it.”
It all tumbled out before Elizabeth could censor herself, and she found that she couldn’t quite stop.
“And now she’s found out that I lied to her, and she’s saying she won’t be in the wedding because it’s wrong and it’s unfair to you and that I shouldn’t have lied to you about this because this is bigger than the other stuff, but I disagree. I think that all of the other little things that have made up my life with her in it are bigger lies than this one thing.
“But it shouldn’t matter. I love her, and I need her, and I want her there. I’m sorry I lied to you. I should have told you the truth six months ago when Andy and I announced our engagement. I’m sorry. Please, Tuck, help me work this out.”
Elizabeth leaned forward hesitantly, putting her hand on her brother’s, hoping to see something less than anger in his eyes.
He pulled his hand away and ran it through his dark, curly hair. “Why would you ask her? How can she be important to you after all these years? And what do you mean about the little things? Your life with her in it? What are you talking about?”
Again, Elizabeth looked toward her father for encouragement, and again, he nodded, silently willing her to continue.
“She’s always been in my life, Tucker. Mom had only been gone a couple of years when I met Hope, and true to her name, she brought me nothing but hope and joy and light. I needed a woman’s touch at 12 like you wouldn’t believe.”
“I know that, Izzie. But after…”
“I was heartbroken. You know that. I didn’t try to hide that. A few months after, I asked Daddy if I could call Hope, email her, something. And he agreed.”
“What?!” Tucker’s reaction this time was more explosive. “Why would you allow that? You know what happened and why that wasn’t a good idea!”
“What I knew at that time, Tuck, was that I had a teenage daughter who needed a woman, who needed loving and guiding in ways that I couldn’t love or guide her,” WT said. Getting up from the table, he went to the kitchen counter and looked out the window over his vast cattle ranch.
The sky was a dreary grey, typical of the northern Texas winter. It would snow soon, he was sure of it.
Picking up a plate of biscuits and the coffee pot, he walked back to the table. After refilling everyone’s coffee mugs, he settled back into his chair.
“I told Elizabeth that for her to contact Hope was a step of faith. I told her I couldn’t, wouldn’t, promise her that Hope would want anything to do with her. But I said that if Hope was agreeable to building a friendship, then I would support it. And that’s what happened.”
“Seriously, I can’t believe this. Did neither of you not know one other woman would could be your friend? I mean, really, no one?”
Tucker rose and began to pace the kitchen. “So you’ve been friends for all of these years now? In contact enough that you wanted to give her a place of honor in your wedding.”
“Yes.”
“What has she done for you? You say she’s been a mentor… what has she done for you?”
“What hasn’t she done?” WT answered for Elizabeth.
“She gave me the sex talk, told me how to protect myself…”
“She what?” Zane interrupted, speaking for the first time. “She told you about birth control at twelve?”
“No, you moron. If you’d let me finish. She gave me the talk and told me how to protect myself in terms of being careful about my surroundings and the people I associate with. She took me to self defense classes. And it was all well after I was twelve.
“She took me to my first female doctor appointment. Who do you think bought me girly products? Dad? Not so much. It was Hope.
“When I had my first date, she bought my outfit. And I’m pretty sure she followed me the whole time to make sure my date didn’t try anything. When my first boyfriend broke my heart, it was Hope who talked to me on the phone all night until I stopped crying.
“She helped me fill out my college applications. She let me practically live at her house while I was in school. She fed me, clothed me, took me to the doctor when I was sick.”
“She was the mother Elizabeth didn’t have, Tucker,” WT said. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you the truth earlier myself, about their relationship. But I couldn’t bring myself to do something that might threaten a good thing for Elizabeth, something she needed.”
“She did all of that for you?”
Elizabeth nodded her head, her eyes filled with tears. “Please, Tucker, help me. I want her there. I screwed up by lying to her, and she’s saying she shouldn’t be there now. Please.”
“She’s the person in the story from earlier? The one who sacrificed for you despite heartache. And I’m the one you want to sacrifice now?”
“I’ve always said if we had to sacrifice someone, it should be you,” Zane said, easing the tension.
Seated at the table again, Tucker swirled his coffee in the big mug. “Seriously. No one? You couldn’t find anyone other than my ex-wife to be your friend?”
****
Zane handed Tucker a cold beer before sitting on the sofa next to his younger brother. The football game was on the television, and neither man said anything for quite some time.
It wasn’t typical these days for brothers to live under the same roof for as long as these two had, but it felt right. When WT built the huge ranch house, everyone in town had laughed about what an odd design it was, with different wings branching off from a common central area. As it turns out, he was just planning ahead.
Each brother had a wing of the house all to himself, as did their father and Elizabeth. With separate entrances, it made it easy for them to lead independent lives while still enjoying the community of family. It also made it much easier to get to work when work was just outside the door on the ranch.
“When are you going to go talk to her?” Zane asked during a commercial break. Tucker didn’t answer.
“You always told me that you had some things you wanted to say to her if you ever saw her again. You said you regretted the way things had ended between the two of you. You have to tell her. Don’t regret this for the rest of your life.”
With that, Zane strode out of the room leaving Tucker alone. He muted the television and leaned his head against the sofa cushions, closing his eyes and seeing Hope again.
They had married in their early twenties. He was in law school, determined not to be a rancher the way his father and brother were. She was an elementary school teacher, determined to save the world one child at a time.
When they first met, he was instantly attracted to Hope. She was petite and curvy with jet black hair and clear blue eyes. And she had the best laugh. He smiled just remembering the sound of her laugh.
Tucker was at a club with a friend when he met Hope. It was a karaoke club, and he and Hope had been paired together. The two of them sang crazy old songs all night and laughed.
Tucker was captivated by her from the start. They married six months later, much to the delight of his family. Hope enjoyed family, loved taking care of people, and she began to take care of his little family that had deeply missed a woman’s love since his mother died.
Thinking about it now, Tucker could see how Elizabeth must have been devastated when he and Hope broke up. After Tucker graduated from law school, he and Hope had moved back to the ranch. Hope began teaching in town, and Tucker set up a little law office not far from the ranch.
Elizabeth had felt Hope’s presence every day for nearly five years when he and Hope divorced. Why hadn’t he realized that before now? Knowing it only added to the guilt he felt.
Hope had grown up pretty much alone, raised by a great-aunt after her parents died when Hope was young. It was a protected childhood but not a loved one. So she felt Elizabeth’s need.
Their marriage had been blissful. Hope had continued to make Tucker laugh, to make the ranch house a home for all of them. They had even begun to talk about having a baby.
And then everything fell apart.
***
Sitting in the rental car parked on the shoulder of the road, Hope blew on her hands to try to rid the chill, though she knew the chill was as much inside her as from the frigid temperatures. She had the heater on full blast in the tiny rental and still was cold.
Two weeks had past since Elizabeth called and apologized, saying she had finally told Tucker and Zane the truth. Tucker had insisted that Elizabeth choose whomever she wanted as her maid of honor and had promised to be civil while Hope was at the ranch.
The majority of the wedding planning was easily done from Hope’s house in a neighboring community, but the final preparations needed to be made at the ranch.
Hope hadn’t seen Tucker in more than five years. They hadn’t met formally for the divorce, just handled everything through the attorneys. She knew generally what was happening in his life because Elizabeth talked about her family, but this was very different.
A rap on the window startled Hope back to reality. WT was leaning down toward the window as she rolled it down.
“Hope, sweetheart, sitting here isn’t going to make him go away. This isn’t going to be easy, and I’m sorry about that. Follow me to the house, and I’ll walk in with you.”
Moments later, standing on the wrap-around porch of the ranch house, WT took Hope’s hand in his. “Thank you. This can’t be easy for you, and I am deeply grateful for what you’re doing for my daughter, for all of us, really.”
WT opened the door, and led Hope into her past.
***
“You decided what you’re going to say to her,” Zane asked Tucker as they sat at the Starbucks. They both knew Hope was already at the ranch house, having seen her car arrive early in the morning. Zane made sure to do what he could to keep Tuck busy and out of the house all day. An urgent trip to town for extra feed seemed like a good reason, and they had essentially practiced avoidance all day in various ways.
Now, over steaming cups of their favorite coffees, Zane had decided it was time for a talk.
“You know you have to say something. You can’t just ignore her for a week. She’s staying at the house. You’re going to run into her.”
“I don’t know. I really don’t, Z. I can’t change what happened between us. I can’t make it right. It’s been five years. I’m sure she’s moved on. I’m surprised she’s not married again. Or maybe she is. I don’t know. Elizabeth didn’t tell much about her, did she?”
Zane laughed. “No, no, she didn’t. Elizabeth seems to be playing this pretty close to the vest, for whatever reason.”
“Which worries me.”
“Don’t. Even if she is married or engaged or involved or entering a convent, if there are things you need to say, say them.”
“You’re a fine one to be talking. Where’s your relationship? Mr. Big Talker should have a relationship, right?”
“Nope. I’m a lifelong bachelor. Committed to the lifestyle. You, on the other hand, are a man who screwed up something good and needs to make it right.”
***
Zane walked in the front door of the house ahead of Tucker and stopped short only a few feet into the house. Tucker ran into his back, nearly knocking them both over.
The house had been transformed. A Christmas tree was in the corner of the large living room, decorated with matching colors and ornaments and ribbons. The lights twinkled, reflecting off the wooden floor. Holly and ivy had been draped over the mantel and holiday candles were arranged all around the room on tall, standing candelabras.
All of the furniture had been moved out of the room, and folding chairs covered with red linen draping were placed in rows down the long room. Each draping was tied in the back of the chair with holly adorning the bow. A fire crackled in the hearth, and the men could smell holiday cookies being made fresh in the kitchen. Christmas music played faintly in the background, and they could hear laughter over the music.
“Hope’s here,” Tucker said.
“This house could use a little hope,” Zane replied. “Come on, let’s go get the initial awkwardness out of the way,” he said, dragging his brother along with him.
As they walked through the common area of the house toward the kitchen, they slowed to take in the transformation. Every room they passed had been touched with holiday adornment - a nativity scene on the table in the foyer, a small tree decorated all in white in the library, ornaments in bowls, snowmen figurines in nooks, another tree in the kitchen.
The laughter stopped abruptly when they entered the kitchen. Elizabeth was standing at the table carefully lifting cookies of the baking sheets and onto cooling racks, while WT sat beside her with a cup of coffee lifting the cookies off the cooling racks and eating them.
Hope turned from the counter to face them. She was wearing faded jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt, a pair of what could only be Elizabeth’s fuzzy socks and a “Snow Great to See You” apron. There was flour on her chin and in her dark hair.
From what Tucker could see, age had served her well. Her figure and her face were more rounded than five years ago, giving her an earth mother look. He smiled. She was more beautiful now than before.
“Hi, boys,” she said smiling and putting down the cookie dough. “I know this is going to be weird with me here for the next week. I’m sorry. I wanted to stay in a hotel, but I met with a bit of an unmovable force on that one,” she said glancing at Elizabeth. “So I figured cookies would soothe the initial weirdness.”
Wiping her hands on her apron, she approached them. Zane stepped in and gave Hope a bear hug. “Your cookies would soothe anything, Hope.” Stepping back from her, he said, “Thank you for doing this for Elizabeth.”
“I’d do anything for her,” Hope said.
Zane moved aside, headed for the table where he joined his father in snagging the cookies Elizabeth was trying to put on the cooling rack. The three began talking, trying to give Hope and Tucker a sense of aloneness even in the crowded room.
“Hello, Tucker,” Hope said, extending her hand to shake Tucker’s. He returned the gesture, holding her hand a moment longer than necessary, registering how soft and warm it felt in his.
“Hope.” He was sure he should say something else, but he didn’t seem to be able to make his mouth form the words.
“Hey, Hope. You gonna cook the whole time you’re here?” Zane asked, distracting Hope and giving his brother a moment to collect his thoughts.
“Of course I am, Z. Your dad has the best kitchen around. I wouldn’t want to waste the opportunity.”
“Good, good,” he said, putting an entire Snickerdoodle in his mouth at once.
“Stop eating those!” Elizabeth smacked his hand with the spatula. “We’re doing a holiday wedding and we’re having all holiday foods at the reception. These aren’t for your personal enjoyment.”
“I’m enjoying them,” Zane said smiling. “Personally,” WT said.
Hope laughed and hugged Elizabeth. “We’ll make plenty, I promise. No guest will go without a cookie at your wedding.” Tucker stood as if frozen, looking in on the scene. This is what his entire life should have looked like, he thought, except with lots of little kids running around stealing cookies, too. How could he have been so foolish?
****
Hope fixed Zane and Tucker bowls of white chili left over from dinner, and they ate as the girls fixed more and more cookies. When they thought the mounds of cookies couldn’t get any larger, Hope told Elizabeth to get the binder. All three men groaned… any mention or sight of the binder now drew that response from them.
“Hush, now,” Hope said, grinning. “No wedding can be successfully completed without a binder. Mine is pink, not white.”
“You have a binder, too?” Zane was appalled that there could be more than one.
“Yep. Izzie decided early on that I was going to have so much to do from my place that I needed a binder of my own.” Hope said down at the table with a glass of ice and a Diet Coke. “I plan to burn the damn thing when they’re finally married.”
The men laughed, and Tucker thought about how easy it all seemed. There was an underlying tension between him and Hope, and he couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, but she fit so well with his family. It was as if she had never been gone.
“Hold on just a darned minute, here,” Tucker said forcefully. “Have you been seeing everyone in my family or just Elizabeth? Have you all been keeping this secret from me?”
WT and Zane looked at one another, then back at Tucker. “No, Tuck. Just Elizabeth and me,” WT said. “And the only contact I had with her was regarding Elizabeth.”
“I’m so sorry, Tucker,” Hope said. “I never meant to hurt you, to lie to you about this. But I loved Elizabeth, and I missed her. When she called after the divorce to see if we could still be close, I jumped at the chance. And I have loved having her in my life. I would call WT periodically to make sure that something Elizabeth and I wanted to do together was ok with him. I made sure to get permission for everything big that we did together. But I haven’t been in contact with him other than that.
“And I haven’t seen Zane here since I moved out of this house. He’s just easily swayed by cookies,” she said smiling.
“And white chili,” Zane said. “Don’t forget the chili.”
At that moment, the big white binder thudded onto the table. Another groan.
“Shut up, you stupid boys,” Elizabeth said teasingly. “We’ve gotta get this done. I get married in less than a week. Help or get out.”
The three men were out of their chairs and out of the kitchen before she could change her mind. Given the option of not helping, all three saw that as a clear opportunity.
Hope and Elizabeth sat for another couple of hours working through the binder, seeing what still needed to be done. Around 11 p.m., Elizabeth’s phone rang, and she went to her bedroom to talk with Andy about how the preparations were going, leaving Hope alone in the kitchen.
She was putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher when Tucker walked into the room. He was barefooted with a tee shirt and pajama bottoms on. Sexier than she remembered, Hope thought.
“Hi. Can I help with that?” Tucker asked.
“Almost done, but thanks for the offer,” Hope replied.
“Can we talk for a few minutes? I know it’s late, and you’ve got to be tired, but I’d like to say a few things.”
“Of course.” Hope started the dishwasher and followed Tucker into the library. The small tree’s lights shone in the darkness. The two sat on the leather sofa, each taking a far end.
Tucker leaned forward, elbows on his knees, trying to gather his thoughts. Hope tucked her feet under her and pulled an afghan off the back of the sofa to cover up. She was quiet as she waited for Tucker to begin. She knew they were both thinking about how things ended with them.
Other than Hope’s great aunt, she really had never had any family. As a teen, however, she met a boy who became her best friend. They never had a romantic relationship, but they were close as siblings. His family had been killed in a car accident years before, so they had a bond of aloneness that their friendship both strengthened and weakened.
They understood one another’s feelings of being an orphan and yet, being together took away that inherent loneliness. Tucker knew of Mason when he and Hope began seeing one another. He met and liked Mason, but Tucker always felt a shiver of jealousy for Mason.
Just after their fifth anniversary, Hope got a call from Mason. He was very ill, dying. She was crushed, insisted on being with him at the hospital. She took a leave of absence from the school and went to be with him as he died.
Tucker was supportive at first, but as the weeks drew on, the jealousy ate at him. He couldn’t control it and began to accuse Hope of having more than a platonic love for Mason. Having always had family surrounding him, he couldn’t understand the way she felt about Mason, couldn’t empathize with her need to not leave him alone.
When she returned home to Tucker for overnight visits when she arranged for friends to stay with Mason, Tucker goaded her into fights. Most nights, she slept with Elizabeth.
When she was with Mason, Tucker would call and leave irrational, jealous messages on her phone, accusing her of having an emotional affair with Mason, even as he lay dying.
Hope was served with the divorce papers at the hospital two days before Mason died. She felt as if her whole world had crumpled around her. Mason left her his entire estate in his will, and when WT called to ask where to send her things, she said to Mason’s house. She resigned from the school, and moved into Mason’s home.
Hope jumped when something soft bushed her leg, drawing her out of her daze. “Why, Puddles, you sweet thing,” she said to the cat that swished by her. “I haven’t seen you all day.”
“He doesn’t come out much these days,” Tucker said, “getting older and all. He tends to wander the nights.”
Clearing his throat and running his hand over his scruffy chin, Tucker turned to face Hope, looking in her eyes for the first time. The tenderness he remembered was still there.
“I told Zane years ago that if I ever saw you again, there were things I was going to say to you, whenever it was and wherever it was. There were things I needed to say for me.”
“Ok, Tucker. It’s ok. I understand. Go ahead,” Hope said quietly.
“Could you not be so nice about it? Could you?!” Tucker stood suddenly and frightened the cat at his feet which ran screeching from the room. “Damn,” he muttered.
Turning back to Hope, he began. “I’m sorry. There aren’t nearly enough ways for me to express how sorry I am. I made some horrible choices that we’ll both have to live with forever. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Tuck,” Hope whispered. “I’m sorry, too. We both made bad choices. This wasn’t entirely your fault.”
“How can you say that?” he said, sitting again on the sofa, closer to her this time. “Of course it was my fault. I was jealous and irrational and crazy and mean and hot-headed and impulsive.”
“Yes, you were. But I was selfish and put someone else ahead of you in my life.”
Tucker smiled and took Hope’s hand. “For a month. You put someone close to you ahead of me for a month. I should have been able to take that. I’m sorry. I want you to know I regret what I did, how I did it, all of it. If I could take it back, I would.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me, but I need you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong. I was wrong on so many levels, and I am so sorry.”
Hope pulled her hand from his and gently touched his face. “All forgiven.”
***
The next two days passed in a blur, with Hope and Elizabeth focusing solely on the wedding. Elizabeth had wanted a small ceremony at the ranch, with the reception following there, too. It would be an intimate but festive gathering.
Hope was making most of the appetizers for the reception, and the house was constantly filled with the scents of the holidays. Zane mentioned to Tuck in passing that if Tuck didn’t remarry Hope, he would give it a shot. Zane had always been a fan of Hope’s cooking.
But Zane’s light-hearted suggestion only mirrored what Tuck had already been thinking, though he knew it was crazy to think it at all.
After that first night, Tucker had made it a point to go downstairs every night after Elizabeth’s 11 o’clock call from Andy. He knew Hope would be alone, finishing up in the kitchen or drinking a cup of hot tea. They had shared some cookies and caught one another up on their lives.
He was still surprised she wasn’t married again. She had told him she dated a fair bit but never found anyone special. She never said ‘anyone like you,’ but that was what Tuck hoped she meant.
He told her about the community service work he did with his law firm, about how he devoted more time to the ranch now, could see its value. She told him about how she used the inheritance Mason left her to begin an outreach program for children in a poor neighborhood.
They never touched, never talked again about their relationship or their parting. Tucker wasn’t sure what that meant, but he didn’t press the issue. He just continued to find ways to spend time with Hope. If he wanted a second chance, this was it. It was unexpected, to be sure, but he was going to take advantage of it.
Wednesday morning, when Zane and Tucker arrived at the breakfast table after taking care of their morning routines around the ranch, they were treated to homemade waffles and sausage and fruit to go with their coffee. WT and Elizabeth were already nearly finished with their breakfast, savoring a second cup of coffee.
“Enjoy everyone. After this, we work like dogs today,” Hope said, bringing out the binder, thus provoking the expected groans. “Shut up,” she and Elizabeth said together.
“Andy’s coming in tonight, and he and Elizabeth need some time alone together tomorrow before his family arrives on Friday, so we need to get a ton of things done today.”
Seeing Zane and Tuck rolling their eyes at one another, Hope said, “Keep in mind that a day off for Izzie means a day off for you, too.” Tuck knew this was his chance. He could spend the entire day with Hope.
“Ok. We’ll do whatever. Just point us in the right direction.”
Zane, WT and Tuck were in charge of getting the land ready for cars to park alongside the driveway. The plan was for the guests to park a mile or so away from the house, and several horse-drawn sleighs would meet them and carry them to the house. The snow had been falling for days in a pretty, light powder, and it was beautiful.
Hope had already decorated the front porch with more holly and ivy. There were two little wooden snowmen on the porch dressed as a bride and groom, and the front door had more mistletoe on it than the trees in the pasture.
The women finished preparing the food, and went into town for a final fitting for Elizabeth’s dress. They picked up the gifts for the bridal party and stopped in to touch base with the minister.
“How good to see you, Hope,” he said. “Maybe I’ll marry you again someday.” Hope and Elizabeth laughed, though they both wondered if the other were thinking that very thing.
By the time they returned back to the ranch, Andy had already arrived. Elizabeth whisked him off to her suite to catch him up to speed on the preparations that had already been completed. Hope began making dinner, and Tuck joined her, offering to help.
As they chatted and chopped vegetables for the gumbo, Tuck asked Hope what her plans were for the next day. “If you aren’t doing wedding work or going back home for the day, we could spend the day together.” He felt as if he were holding his breath waiting for her answer.
She set the knife onto the cutting board, and wiped her hands on her “Cookies for the Reindeer” apron. She was facing him, not speaking. She was looking at him intently, as if she could find the answer she needed in his eyes. He never broke her gaze, hoping she would trust him again.
“This seems like less than a good idea, Tuck. I’ve enjoyed this time with you. I’ve loved being with your family again, loved those quiet talks with you at night. But I can’t let myself get too close. It would be too easy for me to…”
“To what, Hope?”
The clamor of Elizabeth and Andy chasing one another down the stairs distracted them both, one grateful for the distraction, the other disappointed by it.
“What is all the commotion?” Hope asked as she walked toward the soon-to-be-newlyweds.
“Andy brought it! Your Christmas present from me! Open it now!” Elizabeth was so excited. Tuck wondered how many presents had been exchanged between the women without his knowledge.
“It’s not Christmas yet!” WT boomed as he walked in the room and swiped the present from Elizabeth’s hands.
“But she won’t be here Christmas, and I’ll be on my honeymoon, and I want her to have it now. Come on, Daddy.”
“To be fair, WT,” Hope began a bit guiltily, “I did already give her my Christmas present to her.”
“What? Have you two no Christmas shame?” Zane laughed. “Nope,” they said together shaking their heads and laughing.
“Can she open it with all of us here,” WT asked, “because now I want to see it, too.”
“Yes! Go on, Hope. You’re going to love it!”
WT gave Hope the gift as they all gathered around the kitchen table again. Tuck was enjoying the fun but still wondering what Hope might have been talking about… could she possibly still love him?
Hope held the small package up near her face and shook it, listening for a rattle of some sort. “Oh, just open it,” Zane said.
“Clearly, you haven’t done a gift with either of these women in a while,” Andy said. “We could be here all night. She’s gonna shake and rattle and feel and guess, and Izzie’s gonna deny and deny and egg her on. I’ll be well into pie by the time that present is opened.”
“Fine,” Hope laughed. She ripped the bright red paper off the box, and lifted the lid. A small slip of paper was inside. Hope read it and laughed. Elizabeth and Andy both started laughing, too, until WT insisted they share.
“Studies have been done that show that fish tanks can be soothing to children, so I have aquariums all around the lending library. I don’t want to have a library cat or anything like that because of the allergies some of the children have. So we have fish.
“But the joke is that I can’t keep the fish alive for anything. Every morning, before we open the store portion of the library, I go though and do the death count… See how many didn’t make it through the night. Literally, I’m at the pet store so often, the owner, Paulie, and I have become friends. I’m on his wife’s Christmas card list.”
“So I got her a gift certificate to the pet store for endless amounts of fish,” Elizabeth finished, laughing. “Paulie said he would keep your favorite Mickey Mouse fish in stock all the time. Just go in whenever and tell him how many you need.”
“You’re really dedicated to this library, huh?” Zane asked. “You could never leave it.” Tuck didn’t appreciate Zane’s tone but knew the question was easier answered coming from Zane than from him.
“I love it. I do. I think it’s my life’s work,” she said getting up and dishing gumbo into a soup toureen. She sat it on the table, and everyone began filling their bowls.
“I loved teaching, but I could see so many children who had great potential but few opportunities. So, when I had the financial ability, I opened the library in a poor neighborhood. It isn’t a bad area, you know. There’s not a lot of crime. These are just good people who don’t have the education or means to find better jobs that would allow them to give their children the opportunities they need.
“So I do what I can through the library. The little bookstore in the front pays for the salaries of the staff. We’ve got lots of volunteers who help the kids and all of the tutoring we do is free. I get grants and donations to pay for the programming.”
“She’s been approached about starting similar libraries in other areas,” Elizabeth said excitedly.
“Is that true, Hope?” WT asked.
“Yes. The school system heard of what I was doing and wanted to monitor us to see if the things we planned would make a difference. They’ve been tracking the grades of twenty or thirty of our students and have found that their grades have risen significantly with the involvement in the program.
“Several school boards have expressed an interest along with several independent education organizations. My preference would be for these to remain independent, to work alongside the school boards but not be under the control of them.”
“So would you move to start these?” Zane asked.
“Well, ideally, yes, that would be what would happen. In my head, I envision it being something where volunteers would assist and where someone from the area would step up to do the educational training and become the director. But I would want to be very involved until each library could stand alone.”
“That’s amazing,” Tucker said.
“Thanks. I’m kinda proud of it myself. I’m very fortunate that I’ve found someone who is essentially in the role of director now, so I can free myself up to consider these other opportunities,” she said.
“Elizabeth and Andy here have both been instrumental in the success of the library. Both have served as tutors to the kids, and Andy’s my fill-in Friday night security guard for when we have celebration parties for the kids.”
“And dead fish wrangler,” Andy said. “Don’t forget that.”
“No, no, I won’t forget,” Hope laughed. “Now, how about some pie?”
***
Tucker made his way down to the kitchen for his nightly 11 o’clock visit with Hope but Elizabeth was waiting for him in the hallway.
“I know where you’re going,” she said.
“Ok,” he replied.
“I love her.”
“Me, too, I think.”
“Be sure.” And with that, she padded off to her room, fuzzy socks glowing in the dark.
****
The next morning was quiet. Tucker slept in later than usual, and by the time he made it to the kitchen, everyone was already gone. He glanced at the Molly Board by the cupboards to see where everyone was.
Years ago, when Elizabeth was still young and Hope had just moved in, the situation forced Hope to become the mother figure, in some ways, to all of them. She was frustrated with how hard it was to keep track of everyone, so she made this crafty board with Velcro placards with places listed on them.
Each person had a row with his or her name, and it was imperative that, before leaving the house, each one put the appropriate placards under the name so Hope always knew where everyone was.
If Zane was out on the ranch and then was going on a date for dinner, his placards would show “Ranch - South Side,” “Dinner – Date,” “Home – Late.” Elizabeth’s list was always the longest.
Hope was reading the “Harry Potter” books to Elizabeth at the time, and she took the idea from a clock Molly Weasley had that allowed her to see exactly where each of her family members were at any given time. Thus, the Molly Board was created.
Once they began using the system, they became so accustomed to it that they kept it even after Hope left. Looking at it now, he noticed someone, Hope, he was sure, had made a tag for Andy. Not surprisingly, he and Elizabeth were sharing placards for the day.
Someone, Elizabeth, he was sure, had found Hope’s old tag and placed it on the board, too. Her placard still read “Home – Sleeping,” so she must be in the house somewhere.
“Ok.”
“What?” Tucker looked up from his reverie surprised. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in, Hope.”
“Ok. I’ll spend the day with you. Whatever you want to do. I’ll be ready in 30 minutes.” And she turned and went back up the stairs.
***
An hour later, Tucker parked his Jeep in a spot in front of a small, non-descript building in the heart of town. Hope looked at him questioningly. “Just come in with me. I want to show you something.”
Tuck unlocked the door and opened it for Hope. She stamped the snow from her boots and shrugged off her jacket as he turned the lights on. It was a small office, not fancy but functional. The artwork on the walls was all done by children, many of the pieces drawn in crayon.
A small painting on the wall had a script inside in with the company’s logo – four capital Ks entwined together. Hope gasped.
“The Four Kids Firm? That’s you?”
“Hope, I honestly didn’t know you were running the lending library when our organization began expressing an interest in it. Even as we’ve been talking this week, you didn’t describe what you were doing in depth until last night. That’s when I realized that it’s my organization that’s been looking to work with you here in our community.
“I have a full day of activities planned for us, but after you told us last night about the library, I wanted to bring you here this morning so I could be completely truthful with you.”
Hope had sunk into one of the overstuffed sofas in the waiting room. “This is the community service work you do? You work with kids?”
“Yes,” Tuck said, sitting next to her.
“I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“And that rarely happens to you,” Tuck teased. Hope playfully swatted his arm, and turned toward him. Before either of them realized what was happening, they were in one another’s embrace.
The kiss was tender, gentle at first, tentative. Hope pulled away, looked at Tuck, and then leaned back in for another kiss, this one more intense, passionate. Like the kisses she remembered, and yet different.
This time, she pulled away quickly and stood up, putting some distance between them. “Tuck, I don’t know if I can do this again. I’m sorry. I’d like to say I’m as strong as you, but we both know I’m not. If I was, I would have fought to save our marriage instead of falling apart.
“I just don’t know that I can do this, especially when we both have to live under the same roof for two more days… get through this wedding for Elizabeth.”
Tuck wanted to go to her, to pull her to him again, but he knew better. He stayed still and spoke softly. “I understand your fears. You have every reason to not trust me. All I can do is promise to be honest with you this time. That’s why I brought you here.”
Hope took a deep breath, nodded at Tuck, and said, “Ok. Let’s go on this big day you have planned.” She walked toward the door and grabbed her coat as Tuck scrambled to keep up, grateful for the opportunity.
As Tuck backed the Jeep out and began down Main Street, he explained his day. “I want to take you on a tour of town, if that’s okay with you.”
“That sounds great. I haven’t been back in years. I’m sure things have changed.”
“I’ll be interested to see, too. Most of these are places I can’t go any longer. They all remind me of you, so I’ve avoided them for years.”
He turned the radio dial to a station playing holiday songs, and they sang along as he headed for his first destination. They spent the day visiting their favorite haunts in town, eating cupcakes topped with icing ornaments, catching an afternoon matinee of “Miracle of 34th Street” at the independent theatre, and having an intimate dinner at the Italian restaurant they loved.
On the drive home, Tuck reached over and took Hope’s hand. She held his tightly as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Tuck felt awkward like he hadn’t felt in years as he walked Hope to her room in Elizabeth’s suite.
She leaned against the door, looked up at him and said, “I don’t want this, Tuck. I don’t want to admit that I’m still in love with you. I don’t want to have my heart broken again.”
He leaned down and kissed her gently. With his hand on the side of her face, he whispered in her ear, “I have always loved you, Hope. Always. I will never hurt you intentionally again.”
They stood in the hallway kissing for so long that Hope lost track. She pulled away, her breath ragged. “I don’t know where we go from here.”
Tuck laughed. Finally, something he knew for certain. “We start over. We admit that we still love each other, and we promise to try harder this time. I know we can’t go back. I know we can’t undo what has been done. But we try again.”
***
In the middle of the night, Elizabeth crawled into bed with Hope, shaking Hope awake. “So what happened with you and Tuck? Andy’s family arrives in a few hours. Is this all going to work out ok?”
Since she was 12 and Hope married Tucker, whenever Elizabeth was frightened, she would climb in bed with Hope and talk. Tucker hated that. In college, Elizabeth would drive from her dorm room to Hope’s house in the middle of the night when she was afraid. Hope would slide over in bed, talk to Elizabeth until she slept, and take care of her.
“I love your brother, always have. He says he loves me. Andy adores you, as does his family. You and Andy will be fine, and you’ll always be the darling of his family, as you are of your’s.”
“And you and Tuck?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. That, I don’t know. Now, go to sleep. We’ve got big days ahead.”
***
Everyone slept in late the next morning, and Hope had lunch set up buffet style in the kitchen for when Andy’s family arrived. Everyone’s tags on the Molly Board were the same – “Wedding Prep!” – and Hope was giving the men around her their jobs for the day.
“Ok, Elizabeth’s a little worried about Andy’s parents being here.”
“What? She didn’t tell me that. She shouldn’t be worried. They love her,” Andy said.
“I know. It’s normal jitters. She’ll be fine. Your job is to stick close to her today. Compliment her. Help her navigate your family politics. And hush that,” Hope said raising her hand to stop his protests. “Every family has politics.
“WT, you’ll help entertain Andy’s family. Tour them around the ranch after lunch. That’ll give me enough time to get all of the last minute prep stuff done for the rehearsal tonight. Everyone will arrive around seven for the rehearsal, and we’ll all drive over to the restaurant for dinner after. And God bless her for having that somewhere other than here.”
“You must be exhausted, Hope,” WT said. “Thank you for all you’ve done for this wedding. The three of us could never have pulled this off without your help.”
“That’s the truth,” she laughed.
“So what do we do?” Zane asked.
“You and Tuck will be moving chairs and tables and helping me set up. We’ll be moving everything out of the kitchen so we can set up the buffet in here for the reception.
“Now who is driving the sleighs tomorrow? Do they know what to do? Everything will be ok with that, right?”
“Ricky and Thomas from the T Bar X ranch are helping with that. They’ll be using their own horses and sleighs, so that’s all covered.”
“You’ve all had your suits pressed, right? Do I need to wash anything for you?”
“Yes, Mom, we’ve done all that,” Zane teased. “When are we gonna do all of this again for you and Tuck?”
“Excuse me?” Hope asked sharply.
“Sorry, I mean, I just thought things were going well, and, oh, geez, I’m sorry. Me and my big mouth,” Zane apologized.
“Going really well right up until that moment,” Tuck said.
“You don’t know that Tuck would want to marry me again,” Hope said, her voice trembling as she stared angrily at Zane.
Tuck reached out to Hope. “Wait, is that what you think? Honey, I’d marry you again today if you’d say yes. I’ve always loved you. When I said last night that I wanted to give this another chance, I didn’t mean I wanted to date you for a while. I meant that I wanted to date you for a while until I thought you’d consider marrying me again. If I could skip the dating part and go straight to the marrying part, I would. I love you.”
“Really?” Tears streamed down Hope’s face. WT and Zane didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t want to interrupt the moment. “I didn’t know if that was what you meant last night or not. We’ve been apart so long.”
“Hope, honey, I’m serious. If you’re saying you’re serious, that you still love me, too, I’ll drop to one knee right now.”
Hope laughed nervously. “No, no, I don’t think that will be necessary. One bride in this house is enough.”
“I don’t think so!” Everyone had been so focused on the interactions between Hope and Tucker that they hadn’t noticed Elizabeth and Andy’s family enter the room.
“Marilyn, Trey, come on in… I’m so sorry we weren’t paying attention,” Hope moved to welcome Andy’s parents. Because Elizabeth had spent so much time at Hope’s house during college, Andy’s parents were already close with Hope.
“No, little Hope. It sounds to me like there’s something else going on here,” Marilyn said. “In fact, it sounds a little like an indirect proposal.”
“No, no, that isn’t what it was. We don’t need to discuss it now,” Hope said, looking pointedly at Tuck. “Today and tomorrow are all about Elizabeth and Andy.”
“Anything I want because I’m the bride,” Elizabeth said happily.
“Precisely,” Hope said, brushing tears from her eyes.
“Good. Then, I want to hear what your answer is for Tuck,” Elizabeth said with a big grin. Everyone began to gather around the table, chairs scraping on the wooden floor. “This is a super day before the wedding, don’t you think, Andy?”
“Absolutely, Elizabeth,” Andy said, playing along. “If only we had popcorn. It’s like the movies.”
Everyone was laughing and talking to one another, and Tucker wished he wasn’t all the way across the room from Hope. He could see she was uncomfortable and unsure.
“Hope.”
The room stilled when Tucker spoke. “I love you. I meant what I said. If you still love me and can envision a life with me, I will drop to one knee right now. But this has all happened really fast. If you need more time, that’s fine. I will wait as long as you need. This time, I’m not going anywhere.
“And we do not have to discuss this now in front of everyone.”
All eyes were on Hope now. It was as if everyone was holding their breath waiting to see what her response would be. The wait for her answer seemed to last forever.
“Yes, Tucker, I still love you. Yes, I wish I was still married to you. Yes, I will marry you again if you really are asking.”
“I really am asking, though I hadn’t intended to do so today or in this manner.”
Hope smiled. “Then, I suppose I should say yes, even though I hadn’t intended to do so today or in this manner.”
“Yeah, you should,” Tuck smiled. A moment passed and then applause erupted. Zane grabbed Hope and swung her in the air. “It’s about time you came back to this family!” The room was pandemonium for a few moments, with Tuck and Hope never actually making it to one another. Then, Elizabeth whistled really loudly to get everyone’s attention.
“Hey. Don’t forget about the bride here! I’ve got some things to say myself,” she said, pulling Hope toward her.
In the moments when everyone was congratulating Hope and Tucker, Elizabeth and Andy had been quietly talking to one another, making plans.
“You both love one another and want to be married again. No need wasting time with this. You should get married tomorrow with me and Andy. A double ceremony.”
“Um, no,” Hope said immediately. “What is going on between me and Tucker has nothing to do with your wedding. You’ve been planning this for so long, waiting for this big day. You’ll remember it forever. It should be special.”
“And having you with me, marrying my brother, would make it special, and definitely memorable.”
“Elizabeth, I honestly don’t know what to say. This isn’t the way we planned this. We’ve been planning your wedding for months now, and we’ve been planning my wedding to Tuck for about two minutes now,” Hope said. “I think this is a bad plan.”
“I think it’s a good plan,” Elizabeth said. “Everything’s done. You can wear the dress I picked out for you. It’s a perfect champagne color. All of the arrangements are made. Reverend Fall will be more than happy to marry you again. Come on. Why not?”
Hope looked at Tucker, unsure of what to say. Tucker smiled. “I will if you will.” Hope smiled back.
***
The guests were taken to the house in horse-drawn sleighs as a soft snow fell to the ground. Instrumental Christmas music played softly as the guests gathered together in the living room. The room glowed in the candlelight.
Andy, Tuck, and Zane were standing at one end of the room, along with the minister, in front of the fireplace. A friend of the family began to play a simple wedding march on the flute.
WT entered the room with a bride on each arm, both looking radiant - the young bride, anxious to begin a new life, and the older bride, grateful for the chance to try again.
Filed under Faith, Holiday Plan | Permalink | Comment (0)Tagged with: Christmas Wedding • Mika
The Christmas Wedding - the happy ending (or HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKA!!)
This was written for the birthday of my friend, Mika. She and I lived together for years in college, and I will forever be deeply grateful for her. Mika has the most generous and tender spirit. Happy birthday, Tip. May it be a good one. May you know that you are loved beyond measure. Enjoy the ending.
…
The next morning was quiet. Tucker slept in later than usual, and by the time he made it to the kitchen, everyone was already gone. He glanced at the Molly Board by the cupboards to see where everyone was.
Years ago, when Elizabeth was still young and Hope had just moved in, the situation forced Hope to become the mother figure, in some ways, to all of them. She was frustrated with how hard it was to keep track of everyone, so she made this crafty board with Velcro placards with places listed on them.
Each person had a row with his or her name, and it was imperative that, before leaving the house, each one put the appropriate placards under the name so Hope always knew where everyone was.
If Zane was out on the ranch and then was going on a date for dinner, his placards would show “Ranch - South Side,” “Dinner – Date,” “Home – Late.” Elizabeth’s list was always the longest.
Hope was reading the “Harry Potter” books to Elizabeth at the time, and she took the idea from a clock Molly Weasley had that allowed her to see exactly where each of her family members were at any given time. Thus, the Molly Board was created.
Once they began using the system, they became so accustomed to it that they kept it even after Hope left. Looking at it now, he noticed someone, Hope, he was sure, had made a tag for Andy. Not surprisingly, he and Elizabeth were sharing placards for the day.
Someone, Elizabeth, he was sure, had found Hope’s old tag and placed it on the board, too. Her placard still read “Home – Sleeping,” so she must be in the house somewhere.
“Ok.”
“What?” Tucker looked up from his reverie surprised. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in, Hope.”
“Ok. I’ll spend the day with you. Whatever you want to do. I’ll be ready in 30 minutes.” And she turned and went back up the stairs.
***
An hour later, Tucker parked his Jeep in a spot in front of a small, non-descript building in the heart of town. Hope looked at him questioningly. “Just come in with me. I want to show you something.”
Tuck unlocked the door and opened it for Hope. She stamped the snow from her boots and shrugged off her jacket as he turned the lights on. It was a small office, not fancy but functional. The artwork on the walls was all done by children, many of the pieces drawn in crayon.
A small painting on the wall had a script inside in with the company’s logo – four capital Ks entwined together. Hope gasped.
“The Four Kids Firm? That’s you?”
“Hope, I honestly didn’t know you were running the lending library when our organization began expressing an interest in it. Even as we’ve been talking this week, you didn’t describe what you were doing in depth until last night. That’s when I realized that it’s my organization that’s been looking to work with you here in our community.
“I have a full day of activities planned for us, but after you told us last night about the library, I wanted to bring you here this morning so I could be completely truthful with you.”
Hope had sunk into one of the overstuffed sofas in the waiting room. “This is the community service work you do? You work with kids?”
“Yes,” Tuck said, sitting next to her.
“I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“And that rarely happens to you,” Tuck teased. Hope playfully swatted his arm, and turned toward him. Before either of them realized what was happening, they were in one another’s embrace.
The kiss was tender, gentle at first, tentative. Hope pulled away, looked at Tuck, and then leaned back in for another kiss, this one more intense, passionate. Like the kisses she remembered, and yet different.
This time, she pulled away quickly and stood up, putting some distance between them. “Tuck, I don’t know if I can do this again. I’m sorry. I’d like to say I’m as strong as you, but we both know I’m not. If I was, I would have fought to save our marriage instead of falling apart.
“I just don’t know that I can do this, especially when we both have to live under the same roof for two more days… get through this wedding for Elizabeth.”
Tuck wanted to go to her, to pull her to him again, but he knew better. He stayed still and spoke softly. “I understand your fears. You have every reason to not trust me. All I can do is promise to be honest with you this time. That’s why I brought you here.”
Hope took a deep breath, nodded at Tuck, and said, “Ok. Let’s go on this big day you have planned.” She walked toward the door and grabbed her coat as Tuck scrambled to keep up, grateful for the opportunity.
As Tuck backed the Jeep out and began down Main Street, he explained his day. “I want to take you on a tour of town, if that’s okay with you.”
“That sounds great. I haven’t been back in years. I’m sure things have changed.”
“I’ll be interested to see, too. Most of these are places I can’t go any longer. They all remind me of you, so I’ve avoided them for years.”
He turned the radio dial to a station playing holiday songs, and they sang along as he headed for his first destination. They spent the day visiting their favorite haunts in town, eating cupcakes topped with icing ornaments, catching an afternoon matinee of “Miracle of 34th Street” at the independent theatre, and having an intimate dinner at the Italian restaurant they loved.
On the drive home, Tuck reached over and took Hope’s hand. She held his tightly as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Tuck felt awkward like he hadn’t felt in years as he walked Hope to her room in Elizabeth’s suite.
She leaned against the door, looked up at him and said, “I don’t want this, Tuck. I don’t want to admit that I’m still in love with you. I don’t want to have my heart broken again.”
He leaned down and kissed her gently. With his hand on the side of her face, he whispered in her ear, “I have always loved you, Hope. Always. I will never hurt you intentionally again.”
They stood in the hallway kissing for so long that Hope lost track. She pulled away, her breath ragged. “I don’t know where we go from here.”
Tuck laughed. Finally, something he knew for certain. “We start over. We admit that we still love each other, and we promise to try harder this time. I know we can’t go back. I know we can’t undo what has been done. But we try again.”
***
In the middle of the night, Elizabeth crawled into bed with Hope, shaking Hope awake. “So what happened with you and Tuck? Andy’s family arrives in a few hours. Is this all going to work out ok?”
Since she was 12 and Hope married Tucker, whenever Elizabeth was frightened, she would climb in bed with Hope and talk. Tucker hated that. In college, Elizabeth would drive from her dorm room to Hope’s house in the middle of the night when she was afraid. Hope would slide over in bed, talk to Elizabeth until she slept, and take care of her.
“I love your brother, always have. He says he loves me. Andy adores you, as does his family. You and Andy will be fine, and you’ll always be the darling of his family, as you are of your’s.”
“And you and Tuck?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. That, I don’t know. Now, go to sleep. We’ve got big days ahead.”
***
Everyone slept in late the next morning, and Hope had lunch set up buffet style in the kitchen for when Andy’s family arrived. Everyone’s tags on the Molly Board were the same – “Wedding Prep!” – and Hope was giving the men around her their jobs for the day.
“Ok, Elizabeth’s a little worried about Andy’s parents being here.”
“What? She didn’t tell me that. She shouldn’t be worried. They love her,” Andy said.
“I know. It’s normal jitters. She’ll be fine. Your job is to stick close to her today. Compliment her. Help her navigate your family politics. And hush that,” Hope said raising her hand to stop his protests. “Every family has politics.
“WT, you’ll help entertain Andy’s family. Tour them around the ranch after lunch. That’ll give me enough time to get all of the last minute prep stuff done for the rehearsal tonight. Everyone will arrive around seven for the rehearsal, and we’ll all drive over to the restaurant for dinner after. And God bless her for having that somewhere other than here.”
“You must be exhausted, Hope,” WT said. “Thank you for all you’ve done for this wedding. The three of us could never have pulled this off without your help.”
“That’s the truth,” she laughed.
“So what do we do?” Zane asked.
“You and Tuck will be moving chairs and tables and helping me set up. We’ll be moving everything out of the kitchen so we can set up the buffet in here for the reception.
“Now who is driving the sleighs tomorrow? Do they know what to do? Everything will be ok with that, right?”
“Ricky and Thomas from the T Bar X ranch are helping with that. They’ll be using their own horses and sleighs, so that’s all covered.”
“You’ve all had your suits pressed, right? Do I need to wash anything for you?”
“Yes, Mom, we’ve done all that,” Zane teased. “When are we gonna do all of this again for you and Tuck?”
“Excuse me?” Hope asked sharply.
“Sorry, I mean, I just thought things were going well, and, oh, geez, I’m sorry. Me and my big mouth,” Zane apologized.
“Going really well right up until that moment,” Tuck said.
“You don’t know that Tuck would want to marry me again,” Hope said, her voice trembling as she stared angrily at Zane.
Tuck reached out to Hope. “Wait, is that what you think? Honey, I’d marry you again today if you’d say yes. I’ve always loved you. When I said last night that I wanted to give this another chance, I didn’t mean I wanted to date you for a while. I meant that I wanted to date you for a while until I thought you’d consider marrying me again. If I could skip the dating part and go straight to the marrying part, I would. I love you.”
“Really?” Tears streamed down Hope’s face. WT and Zane didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t want to interrupt the moment. “I didn’t know if that was what you meant last night or not. We’ve been apart so long.”
“Hope, honey, I’m serious. If you’re saying you’re serious, that you still love me, too, I’ll drop to one knee right now.”
Hope laughed nervously. “No, no, I don’t think that will be necessary. One bride in this house is enough.”
“I don’t think so!” Everyone had been so focused on the interactions between Hope and Tucker that they hadn’t noticed Elizabeth and Andy’s family enter the room.
“Marilyn, Trey, come on in… I’m so sorry we weren’t paying attention,” Hope moved to welcome Andy’s parents. Because Elizabeth had spent so much time at Hope’s house during college, Andy’s parents were already close with Hope.
“No, little Hope. It sounds to me like there’s something else going on here,” Marilyn said. “In fact, it sounds a little like an indirect proposal.”
“No, no, that isn’t what it was. We don’t need to discuss it now,” Hope said, looking pointedly at Tuck. “Today and tomorrow are all about Elizabeth and Andy.”
“Anything I want because I’m the bride,” Elizabeth said happily.
“Precisely,” Hope said, brushing tears from her eyes.
“Good. Then, I want to hear what your answer is for Tuck,” Elizabeth said with a big grin. Everyone began to gather around the table, chairs scraping on the wooden floor. “This is a super day before the wedding, don’t you think, Andy?”
“Absolutely, Elizabeth,” Andy said, playing along. “If only we had popcorn. It’s like the movies.”
Everyone was laughing and talking to one another, and Tucker wished he wasn’t all the way across the room from Hope. He could see she was uncomfortable and unsure.
“Hope.”
The room stilled when Tucker spoke. “I love you. I meant what I said. If you still love me and can envision a life with me, I will drop to one knee right now. But this has all happened really fast. If you need more time, that’s fine. I will wait as long as you need. This time, I’m not going anywhere.
“And we do not have to discuss this now in front of everyone.”
All eyes were on Hope now. It was as if everyone was holding their breath waiting to see what her response would be. The wait for her answer seemed to last forever.
“Yes, Tucker, I still love you. Yes, I wish I was still married to you. Yes, I will marry you again if you really are asking.”
“I really am asking, though I hadn’t intended to do so today or in this manner.”
Hope smiled. “Then, I suppose I should say yes, even though I hadn’t intended to do so today or in this manner.”
“Yeah, you should,” Tuck smiled. A moment passed and then applause erupted. Zane grabbed Hope and swung her in the air. “It’s about time you came back to this family!” The room was pandemonium for a few moments, with Tuck and Hope never actually making it to one another. Then, Elizabeth whistled really loudly to get everyone’s attention.
“Hey. Don’t forget about the bride here! I’ve got some things to say myself,” she said, pulling Hope toward her.
In the moments when everyone was congratulating Hope and Tucker, Elizabeth and Andy had been quietly talking to one another, making plans.
“You both love one another and want to be married again. No need wasting time with this. You should get married tomorrow with me and Andy. A double ceremony.”
“Um, no,” Hope said immediately. “What is going on between me and Tucker has nothing to do with your wedding. You’ve been planning this for so long, waiting for this big day. You’ll remember it forever. It should be special.”
“And having you with me, marrying my brother, would make it special, and definitely memorable.”
“Elizabeth, I honestly don’t know what to say. This isn’t the way we planned this. We’ve been planning your wedding for months now, and we’ve been planning my wedding to Tuck for about two minutes now,” Hope said. “I think this is a bad plan.”
“I think it’s a good plan,” Elizabeth said. “Everything’s done. You can wear the dress I picked out for you. It’s a perfect champagne color. All of the arrangements are made. Reverend Fall will be more than happy to marry you again. Come on. Why not?”
Hope looked at Tucker, unsure of what to say. Tucker smiled. “I will if you will.” Hope smiled back.
***
The guests were taken to the house in horse-drawn sleighs as a soft snow fell to the ground. Instrumental Christmas music played softly as the guests gathered together in the living room. The room glowed in the candlelight.
Andy, Tuck, and Zane were standing at one end of the room, along with the minister, in front of the fireplace. A friend of the family began to play a simple wedding march on the flute.
WT entered the room with a bride on each arm, both looking radiant - the young bride, anxious to begin a new life, and the older bride, grateful for the chance to try again.
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Merry Christmas - The Christmas Wedding - the middle
The first part can be found here.
Hope fixed Zane and Tucker bowls of white chili left over from dinner, and they ate as the girls fixed more and more cookies. When they thought the mounds of cookies couldn’t get any larger, Hope told Elizabeth to get the binder. All three men groaned… any mention or sight of the binder now drew that response from them.
“Hush, now,” Hope said, grinning. “No wedding can be successfully completed without a binder. Mine is pink, not white.”
“You have a binder, too?” Zane was appalled that there could be more than one.
“Yep. Izzie decided early on that I was going to have so much to do from my place that I needed a binder of my own.” Hope said down at the table with a glass of ice and a Diet Coke. “I plan to burn the damn thing when they’re finally married.”
The men laughed, and Tucker thought about how easy it all seemed. There was an underlying tension between him and Hope, and he couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, but she fit so well with his family. It was as if she had never been gone.
“Hold on just a darned minute, here,” Tucker said forcefully. “Have you been seeing everyone in my family or just Elizabeth? Have you all been keeping this secret from me?”
WT and Zane looked at one another, then back at Tucker. “No, Tuck. Just Elizabeth and me,” WT said. “And the only contact I had with her was regarding Elizabeth.”
“I’m so sorry, Tucker,” Hope said. “I never meant to hurt you, to lie to you about this. But I loved Elizabeth, and I missed her. When she called after the divorce to see if we could still be close, I jumped at the chance. And I have loved having her in my life. I would call WT periodically to make sure that something Elizabeth and I wanted to do together was ok with him. I made sure to get permission for everything big that we did together. But I haven’t been in contact with him other than that.
“And I haven’t seen Zane here since I moved out of this house. He’s just easily swayed by cookies,” she said smiling.
“And white chili,” Zane said. “Don’t forget the chili.”
At that moment, the big white binder thudded onto the table. Another groan.
“Shut up, you stupid boys,” Elizabeth said teasingly. “We’ve gotta get this done. I get married in less than a week. Help or get out.”
The three men were out of their chairs and out of the kitchen before she could change her mind. Given the option of not helping, all three saw that as a clear opportunity.
Hope and Elizabeth sat for another couple of hours working through the binder, seeing what still needed to be done. Around 11 p.m., Elizabeth’s phone rang, and she went to her bedroom to talk with Andy about how the preparations were going, leaving Hope alone in the kitchen.
She was putting the dinner dishes in the dishwasher when Tucker walked into the room. He was barefooted with a tee shirt and pajama bottoms on. Sexier than she remembered, Hope thought.
“Hi. Can I help with that?” Tucker asked.
“Almost done, but thanks for the offer,” Hope replied.
“Can we talk for a few minutes? I know it’s late, and you’ve got to be tired, but I’d like to say a few things.”
“Of course.” Hope started the dishwasher and followed Tucker into the library. The small tree’s lights shone in the darkness. The two sat on the leather sofa, each taking a far end.
Tucker leaned forward, elbows on his knees, trying to gather his thoughts. Hope tucked her feet under her and pulled an afghan off the back of the sofa to cover up. She was quiet as she waited for Tucker to begin. She knew they were both thinking about how things ended with them.
Other than Hope’s great aunt, she really had never had any family. As a teen, however, she met a boy who became her best friend. They never had a romantic relationship, but they were close as siblings. His family had been killed in a car accident years before, so they had a bond of aloneness that their friendship both strengthened and weakened.
They understood one another’s feelings of being an orphan and yet, being together took away that inherent loneliness. Tucker knew of Mason when he and Hope began seeing one another. He met and liked Mason, but Tucker always felt a shiver of jealousy for Mason.
Just after their fifth anniversary, Hope got a call from Mason. He was very ill, dying. She was crushed, insisted on being with him at the hospital. She took a leave of absence from the school and went to be with him as he died.
Tucker was supportive at first, but as the weeks drew on, the jealousy ate at him. He couldn’t control it and began to accuse Hope of having more than a platonic love for Mason. Having always had family surrounding him, he couldn’t understand the way she felt about Mason, couldn’t empathize with her need to not leave him alone.
When she returned home to Tucker for overnight visits when she arranged for friends to stay with Mason, Tucker goaded her into fights. Most nights, she slept with Elizabeth.
When she was with Mason, Tucker would call and leave irrational, jealous messages on her phone, accusing her of having an emotional affair with Mason, even as he lay dying.
Hope was served with the divorce papers at the hospital two days before Mason died. She felt as if her whole world had crumpled around her. Mason left her his entire estate in his will, and when WT called to ask where to send her things, she said to Mason’s house. She resigned from the school, and moved into Mason’s home.
Hope jumped when something soft bushed her leg, drawing her out of her daze. “Why, Puddles, you sweet thing,” she said to the cat that swished by her. “I haven’t seen you all day.”
“He doesn’t come out much these days,” Tucker said, “getting older and all. He tends to wander the nights.”
Clearing his throat and running his hand over his scruffy chin, Tucker turned to face Hope, looking in her eyes for the first time. The tenderness he remembered was still there.
“I told Zane years ago that if I ever saw you again, there were things I was going to say to you, whenever it was and wherever it was. There were things I needed to say for me.”
“Ok, Tucker. It’s ok. I understand. Go ahead,” Hope said quietly.
“Could you not be so nice about it? Could you?!” Tucker stood suddenly and frightened the cat at his feet which ran screeching from the room. “Damn,” he muttered.
Turning back to Hope, he began. “I’m sorry. There aren’t nearly enough ways for me to express how sorry I am. I made some horrible choices that we’ll both have to live with forever. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Tuck,” Hope whispered. “I’m sorry, too. We both made bad choices. This wasn’t entirely your fault.”
“How can you say that?” he said, sitting again on the sofa, closer to her this time. “Of course it was my fault. I was jealous and irrational and crazy and mean and hot-headed and impulsive.”
“Yes, you were. But I was selfish and put someone else ahead of you in my life.”
Tucker smiled and took Hope’s hand. “For a month. You put someone close to you ahead of me for a month. I should have been able to take that. I’m sorry. I want you to know I regret what I did, how I did it, all of it. If I could take it back, I would.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me, but I need you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong. I was wrong on so many levels, and I am so sorry.”
Hope pulled her hand from his and gently touched his face. “All forgiven.”
***
The next two days passed in a blur, with Hope and Elizabeth focusing solely on the wedding. Elizabeth had wanted a small ceremony at the ranch, with the reception following there, too. It would be an intimate but festive gathering.
Hope was making most of the appetizers for the reception, and the house was constantly filled with the scents of the holidays. Zane mentioned to Tuck in passing that if Tuck didn’t remarry Hope, he would give it a shot. Zane had always been a fan of Hope’s cooking.
But Zane’s light-hearted suggestion only mirrored what Tuck had already been thinking, though he knew it was crazy to think it at all.
After that first night, Tucker had made it a point to go downstairs every night after Elizabeth’s 11 o’clock call from Andy. He knew Hope would be alone, finishing up in the kitchen or drinking a cup of hot tea. They had shared some cookies and caught one another up on their lives.
He was still surprised she wasn’t married again. She had told him she dated a fair bit but never found anyone special. She never said ‘anyone like you,’ but that was what Tuck hoped she meant.
He told her about the community service work he did with his law firm, about how he devoted more time to the ranch now, could see its value. She told him about how she used the inheritance Mason left her to begin an outreach program for children in a poor neighborhood.
They never touched, never talked again about their relationship or their parting. Tucker wasn’t sure what that meant, but he didn’t press the issue. He just continued to find ways to spend time with Hope. If he wanted a second chance, this was it. It was unexpected, to be sure, but he was going to take advantage of it.
Wednesday morning, when Zane and Tucker arrived at the breakfast table after taking care of their morning routines around the ranch, they were treated to homemade waffles and sausage and fruit to go with their coffee. WT and Elizabeth were already nearly finished with their breakfast, savoring a second cup of coffee.
“Enjoy everyone. After this, we work like dogs today,” Hope said, bringing out the binder, thus provoking the expected groans. “Shut up,” she and Elizabeth said together.
“Andy’s coming in tonight, and he and Elizabeth need some time alone together tomorrow before his family arrives on Friday, so we need to get a ton of things done today.”
Seeing Zane and Tuck rolling their eyes at one another, Hope said, “Keep in mind that a day off for Izzie means a day off for you, too.” Tuck knew this was his chance. He could spend the entire day with Hope.
“Ok. We’ll do whatever. Just point us in the right direction.”
Zane, WT and Tuck were in charge of getting the land ready for cars to park alongside the driveway. The plan was for the guests to park a mile or so away from the house, and several horse-drawn sleighs would meet them and carry them to the house. The snow had been falling for days in a pretty, light powder, and it was beautiful.
Hope had already decorated the front porch with more holly and ivy. There were two little wooden snowmen on the porch dressed as a bride and groom, and the front door had more mistletoe on it than the trees in the pasture.
The women finished preparing the food, and went into town for a final fitting for Elizabeth’s dress. They picked up the gifts for the bridal party and stopped in to touch base with the minister.
“How good to see you, Hope,” he said. “Maybe I’ll marry you again someday.” Hope and Elizabeth laughed, though they both wondered if the other were thinking that very thing.
By the time they returned back to the ranch, Andy had already arrived. Elizabeth whisked him off to her suite to catch him up to speed on the preparations that had already been completed. Hope began making dinner, and Tuck joined her, offering to help.
As they chatted and chopped vegetables for the gumbo, Tuck asked Hope what her plans were for the next day. “If you aren’t doing wedding work or going back home for the day, we could spend the day together.” He felt as if he were holding his breath waiting for her answer.
She set the knife onto the cutting board, and wiped her hands on her “Cookies for the Reindeer” apron. She was facing him, not speaking. She was looking at him intently, as if she could find the answer she needed in his eyes. He never broke her gaze, hoping she would trust him again.
“This seems like less than a good idea, Tuck. I’ve enjoyed this time with you. I’ve loved being with your family again, loved those quiet talks with you at night. But I can’t let myself get too close. It would be too easy for me to…”
“To what, Hope?”
The clamor of Elizabeth and Andy chasing one another down the stairs distracted them both, one grateful for the distraction, the other disappointed by it.
“What is all the commotion?” Hope asked as she walked toward the soon-to-be-newlyweds.
“Andy brought it! Your Christmas present from me! Open it now!” Elizabeth was so excited. Tuck wondered how many presents had been exchanged between the women without his knowledge.
“It’s not Christmas yet!” WT boomed as he walked in the room and swiped the present from Elizabeth’s hands.
“But she won’t be here Christmas, and I’ll be on my honeymoon, and I want her to have it now. Come on, Daddy.”
“To be fair, WT,” Hope began a bit guiltily, “I did already give her my Christmas present to her.”
“What? Have you two no Christmas shame?” Zane laughed. “Nope,” they said together shaking their heads and laughing.
“Can she open it with all of us here,” WT asked, “because now I want to see it, too.”
“Yes! Go on, Hope. You’re going to love it!”
WT gave Hope the gift as they all gathered around the kitchen table again. Tuck was enjoying the fun but still wondering what Hope might have been talking about… could she possibly still love him?
Hope held the small package up near her face and shook it, listening for a rattle of some sort. “Oh, just open it,” Zane said.
“Clearly, you haven’t done a gift with either of these women in a while,” Andy said. “We could be here all night. She’s gonna shake and rattle and feel and guess, and Izzie’s gonna deny and deny and egg her on. I’ll be well into pie by the time that present is opened.”
“Fine,” Hope laughed. She ripped the bright red paper off the box, and lifted the lid. A small slip of paper was inside. Hope read it and laughed. Elizabeth and Andy both started laughing, too, until WT insisted they share.
“Studies have been done that show that fish tanks can be soothing to children, so I have aquariums all around the lending library. I don’t want to have a library cat or anything like that because of the allergies some of the children have. So we have fish.
“But the joke is that I can’t keep the fish alive for anything. Every morning, before we open the store portion of the library, I go though and do the death count… See how many didn’t make it through the night. Literally, I’m at the pet store so often, the owner, Paulie, and I have become friends. I’m on his wife’s Christmas card list.”
“So I got her a gift certificate to the pet store for endless amounts of fish,” Elizabeth finished, laughing. “Paulie said he would keep your favorite Mickey Mouse fish in stock all the time. Just go in whenever and tell him how many you need.”
“You’re really dedicated to this library, huh?” Zane asked. “You could never leave it.” Tuck didn’t appreciate Zane’s tone but knew the question was easier answered coming from Zane than from him.
“I love it. I do. I think it’s my life’s work,” she said getting up and dishing gumbo into a soup toureen. She sat it on the table, and everyone began filling their bowls.
“I loved teaching, but I could see so many children who had great potential but few opportunities. So, when I had the financial ability, I opened the library in a poor neighborhood. It isn’t a bad area, you know. There’s not a lot of crime. These are just good people who don’t have the education or means to find better jobs that would allow them to give their children the opportunities they need.
“So I do what I can through the library. The little bookstore in the front pays for the salaries of the staff. We’ve got lots of volunteers who help the kids and all of the tutoring we do is free. I get grants and donations to pay for the programming.”
“She’s been approached about starting similar libraries in other areas,” Elizabeth said excitedly.
“Is that true, Hope?” WT asked.
“Yes. The school system heard of what I was doing and wanted to monitor us to see if the things we planned would make a difference. They’ve been tracking the grades of twenty or thirty of our students and have found that their grades have risen significantly with the involvement in the program.
“Several school boards have expressed an interest along with several independent education organizations. My preference would be for these to remain independent, to work alongside the school boards but not be under the control of them.”
“So would you move to start these?” Zane asked.
“Well, ideally, yes, that would be what would happen. In my head, I envision it being something where volunteers would assist and where someone from the area would step up to do the educational training and become the director. But I would want to be very involved until each library could stand alone.”
“That’s amazing,” Tucker said.
“Thanks. I’m kinda proud of it myself. I’m very fortunate that I’ve found someone who is essentially in the role of director now, so I can free myself up to consider these other opportunities,” she said.
“Elizabeth and Andy here have both been instrumental in the success of the library. Both have served as tutors to the kids, and Andy’s my fill-in Friday night security guard for when we have celebration parties for the kids.”
“And dead fish wrangler,” Andy said. “Don’t forget that.”
“No, no, I won’t forget,” Hope laughed. “Now, how about some pie?”
***
Tucker made his way down to the kitchen for his nightly 11 o’clock visit with Hope but Elizabeth was waiting for him in the hallway.
“I know where you’re going,” she said.
“Ok,” he replied.
“I love her.”
“Me, too, I think.”
“Be sure.” And with that, she padded off to her room, fuzzy socks glowing in the dark.
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