Did I get ditched in a sad way or used in a nice way?
This time last year, I was so excited to have a friend at work. Now, we didn’t have anything (seriously… not much of anything) in common, but we clicked well, and I was grateful. Now, we’re friendly, but we’re not close. And because I like to be honest here (likely more so than any of my handful of readers would like), I have to admit that hurts my feelings. I’ve tried really hard to figure out a way for her ditching me (see, a little bitterness) to make sense. But I haven’t been able to do that.
And then last week, I was thinking about how this particular girl wasn’t the only one to move on. If I think about it, I’ve had numerous encounters with various girls (women, whatever) at work in the two years that I’ve been there. And as I was thinking a week or so ago about my two years at this job, I was reminded again of how secure I am in the belief that this is where God would have me.
So, then, maybe, it isn’t that this girl ditched me. Maybe, instead, it’s that God put the two of us together at a time when each of us needed something that the other could provide. If I think about some of the other women who have crossed my path - asked me very personal advice despite me not thinking we were nearly close enough for them to ask me such things - then I think that it’s possible that God caused each to approach me for a reason.
This month’s “Today’s Christian Woman” magazine has a series of articles about spiritual gifts. I’ve never been real sure what my gifts are. You know… the list in the Bible is pretty slim pickins.
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines. (1 Corinthians 12:7-11)
Seriously, now. Could He not have given out gifts of sending cards when someone’s sad? Or how about the gift of taking someone a nice baked good? The gift of listening? Really. Throw me something possible. Prophecy? Not so much.
One nice thing about this series of articles is that it does touch on other spiritual gifts, and I appreciate that. Just for kicks, I took a spiritual gifts test at ChristiaNet, and these are my scores.
- 100% Hospitality (Acts 16:14-15)
- 78% Exhortation (Acts 11:23-24) (I don’t even know what this is.)
- 67% Wisdom (James 3:13-17) (I’m thinking not so much.)
Ok, I looked up exhortation, and it means … this gift enables certain Christians to stand beside fellow Christians in need and bring comfort, counsel and encouragement. I can see that.
I’ve always wanted my house to be a place of comfort, where people felt welcomed and safe and content. One thing I don’t like about our Florida lives yet is that we don’t have people in and out of our home like we did before. I enjoy that. So hospitality feels like a good gift to me, one that I can easily and comfortably use. I have to assume that the ability to make people feel comfortable extends beyond my house and into my work life and might contribute to the myriad of confessions I’ve heard in these two years.
And exhortation seems like a big word for just being kind to people. But I’m good with it.
A few weeks ago, a girl at work asked over the wall (cubicles, remember) and asked if I had ever read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” I admitted that I had actually recently gotten it from BookMooch and had, well, not read it so much as took the quiz and then made Mike do the same. Took the quiz, got our love languages and sent the book on to someone else.
Mike and I both had our primary language as time spent together (or whatever the official term is), which I’m pretty sure is a result of our years together. Our second languages were not nearly the same. My second language is gifts. It’s a pretty petty language, you know. Gimme, gimme. But if I do unto others, so to speak, it matches pretty well with the above descriptions.
But anyway, several days later, another girl at work was telling me that the first girl had been telling her (confused yet?) about the book and that she thought my love language was service, which I would Never have thought. But how sweet that she thought that by watching my actions.
I’m not real sure where I’m going with this, other than to say that I’m grateful that there are different interpretations of the gifts God gives us. And I’m humbled to think that maybe God is using me where I am in ways I hadn’t imagined. And maybe I should look at the people passing through my life as gifts for the moment and not be unhappy when they move on. Instead, maybe I should eagerly anticipate the next person’s arrival.
Filed under Faith | Permalink | Comments (6)Tagged with: Friends • spiritual gifts • Work
Two years… with pretty good results
Today was my two year anniversary with my current employer. I know this because the man who is in charge of my division sent me an email. Who knew?
I honestly never thought I’d be in this position this long. This was the job I took because I needed a job. And I wasn’t very good at it. I was miserable at it for quite some time.
But today, I can honestly say I don’t hate it. And that has been a bit of a surprise to me this last week or so. I get really frustrated and annoyed and discouraged because in a lot of ways, the job is very mundane, always feeling behind the game. But, I no longer feel quite so overwhelmed, and I think I could be okay at this.
Earlier this week, a supervisor asked if an associate from another division could come and sit with me for a few hours to shadow me and see about how the job was done. Now, she said she picked me because I don’t curse (or at least I use very mild curses comparatively), but there are others who probably meet that description. I have to believe it’s because she and my supe believed I was doing well enough to give someone a reasonable overview.
Now, I know they do sometimes request things of me as a default because they know of my professional background. They can trust me to acknowledge the difficulties of the job while not presenting it only in a negative perspective. But still, I’m choosing to see this as positive.
But more than the work itself, I do still believe that God intends for me to be here. I’m frustrated on many days because I don’t have a lot of common ground with the people around me. I do miss being surrounded by women who shared my faith. But I know that I’m where I am for a reason. I know because I have too many people comment about how nice I am or how positive my attitude is, especially given how not nice I think I am or how lousy I think my attitude is some days.
I know because people continue to confide in me, things that I don’t necessarily want to know. I know because I keep having young girls (okay, women, but come on, at my age, 25 is a young girl) ask me for advice. I’m not big on giving advice, so I know they’re consciously seeking me out. And that can’t be by mistake.
And so, I stay where I am because I believe it’s where God wants me (you know, and to pay the mortgage and for the good health insurance). But today, on my two year anniversary, I’m really, exceptionally grateful that it’s getting easier.
Filed under Most Everything | Permalink | Comment (1)Tagged with: Faith • Work
These are your biggest problems…
My supervisor told me today that I was doing a good job, that I was a good adjuster. “Your biggest problems, from what I can tell, are that you’re underappreciated and that you have a lack of confidence in yourself.” Not a bad supe review, I think.
I finally made the name bracelet for Jendi as part of our swap, and I took it to work today to have my skinny minnie tester girl wear it for a bit, and I ended up with three beading orders as a result. Pretty groovy. I’m making a necklace/bracelet/earrings set for a friend of mine at work. He and his wife got married last October and renewed their vows at a big ceremony in July. He lives here… she’s still waiting for her paperwork to be approved, so she lives in the Dominican. Instead of names, he wrote a sweet saying in Spanish for me to put in letter beads. How romantic is that?
I’m going to answer all of the questions I got from my questions post in the next few days. If you’ve got any you didn’t see asked, go ahead. Get in your question & your chance to win my groovy earrings.
Now, I’ve gotta go watch the Shark Week episode of “Dirty Jobs.” How completely cutie patootie is Mike Rowe?
Filed under Jewelry, Most Everything | Permalink | Comments (3)Tagged with: beads • Dirty Jobs • Mike Rowe • questions • Work
Numbers… and not the cute CBS show kind
At my work, we receive ‘report cards’ once a month. My new supervisor is not only new to me but to this particular supervisor role, so he’s been a bit behind. This week, however, he finally gave some of us our numbers.
I had been so excited to get them because I really feel like I’m doing so much better at my job. I’m less stressed, and I’m feeling more confident. In general, I know the answers to the questions people ask me, and I’ve got less people angry with me on the phone. I no longer have my ‘failure list’ of cases that I’ve messed up. That should count for something, right?
Unfortunately, my numbers weren’t great. My year-to-date number is a 3.4 on a 5 point scale. And I was so disappointed in myself. Discouraged. Frustrated. Why am I working so hard not to have it show? Not to have it help me?
Mike and some very gracious people at work have been trying all week to convince me that my number isn’t bad. I’m ‘above average.’ Come on. Who aims for above average? Oooh… Mom, I’d like to be 4 tenths of a point above average. Woohoo.
And numbers matter in my head. Numbers change things in my head. I can look in the mirror and feel beautiful only to step on a scale later in the day and feel horrible and ugly because of the number. My body - how I look - hasn’t changed. But numbers change things in my head. My attitude has been one of frustration and discouragement all week.
But I have to admit that I don’t so much enjoy that attitude. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still discouraged and frustrated, but there’s not much I can do about the situation. We’ve known all along that this job didn’t particularly suit me, so it’s not a surprise that I’m still struggling with it.
But it pays the mortgage. And the insurance is great. And I guess the fact that I feel more confident is something in and of itself. I no longer dread going to work, and that’s a good thing, too.
People at work talk about how cheerful I am, and everyone’s been really kind this week as I’ve been upset. But I’m tired of being upset, so I’m just going to accept those numbers as what they are. I can’t change them, and I just need to keep going… keep doing the best that I can.
And try not to let these numbers change too much in my head.
Filed under Most Everything | Permalink | Comments (5)Tagged with: numbers • report cards • Work
Odds and ends… or killing time till I can go to bed
Here are a few random things… I’m way too tired to write much. We’re all playing Wii, and I’m essentially waiting for it to get dark enough to send Eliza to bed.
** It’s been a long and tiring week at work, but I feel really good about the work I’ve done. It feels like I’m doing so much better, like I understand things so much better. Of course, I worry that I’m wrong & just misguided. But I find that people ask me questions as if they assume I’ll know the answer. That’s such a big compliment to me, and yet, I worry these people are falsely placing their trust in me. I have to meet with my supervisor tomorrow to discuss all of my claims that I can’t figure out what to do with or have messed up or both. That’ll bring me back to reality, I’m sure. But maybe, just maybe, I really am getting better. Wouldn’t that be cool?
** I’m now loving So You Wanna Be an Old Supermodel on TVLand. I think it’s got a classier name, but come on, that’s what it is. Mike said last night that the women on it are meaner the the women on other reality shows… they don’t seem to bond like they do on Idol or Project Runway. Well, honey, these women are old. They don’t have time to bond. This is their last shot at this thing. They’ve got friends at home. They want to win. I think it should tide me over till Project Runway comes back next month.
** Griff watches too much tv. I know because I love tv. I’m so excited about the summer shows, I can hardly stand it.
** I’ve been praying. I know that if you haven’t been reading my blog for long, that probably sounds odd. But for those of you who’ve been with me through this journey of moving and being angry at God and then thinking God was angry with me and then being a bit ambivalent, well, it’s a good thing to be praying and feeling that warmth and connection that comes from that.
** There was super response to my Swap Me, Sell Me, Chai Me. I have a couple pieces left if anyone didn’t play the first time and wants to jump in now.
Now, I’m thinking I’ll go slather my LUSH Sacred Truth on my face and try to scare Eliza into bed. If it doesn’t work, I’ll at least have smooth skin.
Filed under Faith, Jewelry, Most Everything | Permalink | Comments (4)Tagged with: Jewelry • LUSH • old models • prayer • tv • Work
